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January 4, 2017


In Love in New Country, We Fight and Fight and Fight


Dear Mrs. Web, 

I'm 29 years old, and I'd been with my boyfriend off and on for 2 years when I found out I was pregnant last year.  We'd not been getting on at all well, he'd been messing around behind my back.  He was pretty mean to me when I look back on it.  I started to miscarry, so I had an abortion. I beat myself up about it like crazy, and it was awful. My mother encouraged me to move to the States and stay with my father.   She signed me up for online dating as a gift.   I met a great man who only lives 10 minutes away from my Dad.  We get along so well and I am so happy.  This man has asked me to marry him and I am ecstatic.  My mother is upset that I met someone so quickly and didnít just date for a ďbit of fun.Ē  Her argument is that this relationship is too much too soon,  She and my ex have teamed up to make me feel guilty for leaving her back in Scotland.   I'm her little girl, I always have been, and we have been very close.   I don't want her to be upset. However, I've fallen head over heels for the new guy, and I don't know what to do about her. 

This is your life and not your mother's.  If you have fallen in love with a new and better man, go for it.  It sounds like you have found a jewel.  Do not worry about your mother, she will want to visit before long.  Sounds like your ex is manipulating the situation a bit.  Please get married before making more babies, you and you little one deserve a man who is willing to give all his love.



Dear Mrs. Web,


I met an amazing guy and we both fell in mad love. We moved in together.  I have depression problems and anxiety issues and they started to come out.   Being insecure, I lost my trust in him.  Whenever he left the house without me I would pitch a fit.  I wanted him to always be next to me to comfort me. 


I worried about him cheating on me too.  So he broke up with me.  I called one of my exís to get some comfort and I told him whatever he wanted to hear including that I should have been with the ex, not with my amazing guy.  I didnít mean it, I was just emotional.  After a couple of weeks my amazing guy called and wanted to get back together.  But then he found out what I said to my ex and was angry.  I wanted another chance and we got back together.  My anxiety started to get worse.  I knew I needed help but I didnít get it. 


We decided to live together until the end of the lease.  After that conversation we went out to our favorite bar.  I was bored and left without telling him.  He became angry and said that we didnít need to the end of the lease to figure out whether to break up, we could do it right now.  When we got home things got physical.  I jumped on his back and he shook me off and wrestled me to the ground.  Then he stopped and cried.  I was going to leave but he wanted me to stay.  We cuddled all night.  He felt horrible the next day and said that he wanted to be with me but he couldnít.   He started to get nasty and we started arguing every single day.  Sometimes he comes around and apologizes,  but he said I've become annoying and he canít deal with my whining.  It is like a standoff at the apartment. What should we do?


Sounds like you cannot live with this man.  You are looking for someone that he is not.   There are people who love being the center of the belovedís world and want tie themselves to the beloved tightly.  That is not what you have here.







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