I am not sure you can. You knew he had this tendency when you married him. People do not give up the things they do just because they get married. No wedding ring has turned a roamer into a faithful husband or a dare devil into a cream puff. I applaud his wisdom in understanding that once he has children these expeditions are history. Children need security. Wives, on the other hand, usually know what they are getting into.

How sad. Well Dad, your first responsibility is to protect your daughter, and leaving isn’t an option. No child should be the brunt of or witness to a parent’s ongoing anger. (A very occasional blow up teaches children we all are human and make mistakes. Of course, then you show them how to use regret, sorrow, and humility to begin to repair the damage caused by the angry words.)

Your work here is to take charge and get your entire family into family counseling. The first work in family counseling should be to put immediate brakes on your spouse’s lashing-out behaviors. Nothing can change unless that is controlled.

Most "random access" people marry "sequentially ordered" ones. Most quiet people marry loud people, solid, square set, people often marry will o’ wisps and so on. There is an old saying about the rocks in his head fitting the holes in her. It applies here.

We tend to choose mates who compliment us rather than copy us. It makes for balance. The down side of course, is that opposites need to be respectful and negotiate a lot. When we discover this in a marriage that other pithy saying comes to mind: "the honeymoon is over". All old marrieds will tell you both that this is where the marriage really begins. How you both learn to handle your differences will over time set the tone for your marriage, and your family. Most couples will agree it is a life-long process.

I personally think it is wonderful when family members help each other and the occasional gracious financial gift from parents to their struggling adult children is just fine. Patterns of dependence, however, running deep into a marriage tend to undermine the solidarity, intimacy and cooperative work needed by a husband and wife to sustain healthy family life. Because of the dependence, in some ways your in-laws are in the middle of your marriage.

On the other hand, you are involved with a man who has a long-standing dependence on his parents, something that you may have ignored or thought would change over time. This issue is a core value difference. It may lead to your family living beyond its means or having expectations that do not line up with the reality of your earned income.

A major factor in this problem is that your husband apparently sees no problem with this dependence. Changing long-term core issues is difficult, even when the changing person desperately longs for things to be different. Your husband sees no real problem (except perhaps you) about this issue and has no interest or motivation for the changes you want. Plainly put, your encouragement to change is of little use.

You have a family. You are going to need to negotiate a place of comfort for yourself with respect to your husband’s dependence on his parents. A place that meets some of both of your needs instead of you alternately giving up or getting mad. Graciously accepting gifts from your in-laws, but also living within a budget may be an acceptable negotiation as well as good modeling for your children.

I was always under the impression anyone the bride wanted could be in the wedding party, including future stepdaughters. If she is interested, it could be a nice touch for her that day. If she is not interested, I would not insist.

Meanness is a part of the human condition. People act as if it is unexpected, but it is always an option. Marriage is a place where meanness can really cut loose, for we can often treat those closest to us poorly.

 Overcoming the hurt and anger engendered by meanness can take some work. I would recommend finding a good marriage and family therapist or pastoral counselor.

Sometimes marriages are irretrievably broken. When someone describes his or her mate as you have described yours, though, I think there is one good final effort. I would tell him or her to look at the alienated, non-participating spouse with the eyes of compassion. This could be hard when one is asked to become softhearted about that cold, belching lump in front of the television.

I think it is a good exercise to list out the reasons that your spouse is stuck. In addition,  spend a set period of months, treating your spouse with the compassion you have developed.

You will start seeing the things that annoy you in a different light: his withdrawal, her anger, his spending habits, her fears. The different light on your spouse will cause you to treat him or her with a different attitude. Attitudes can rub off. Movement can be discerned and faltering steps toward rebuilding can be taken. This is not a guaranteed method, but it is a possibility.

There also are marriage building and marriage saving intensive five and seven day workshops available for couples at the end of their tether. Good luck and let me know…

I would hesitate calling your husband selfish. Untrained would be a better word. People do what they are used to doing and no more. Most women have been trained from childhood to see and respond to chores. Many men have not had that training.

Solution? Clearly stated expectations. If I were in your shoes, I would spend several coffee breaks listing out all the chores in your establishment. Then I would sort them into daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, and annual lists. Sitting down with my husband, I would then ask him to pick one from each category. Then I would do the same. Alternate until all the chores are picked. Show your husband how to do the chores. You would be surprised how little people know about household chores.

List the chores where you both will see them and expect that they will be done. Don’t remind. Just have both check-off what they have done. A reward for each day of completed chores is a great incentive. Pick something he would like: Five dollars towards that island golf and beach tour you both wanted to take. Or towards a bass boat. This solution may be initially expensive but the wear and tear on your nerves and the marriage make it money well spent. In a few months, these good habits will be ingrained and how you both decide to reward that is not Dear Mrs. Web’s business.

A problem with alcoholics is that as they become sober they become the people they really are. That is sometimes not a very attractive human being. All those years of drinking have not improved their maturity or their character. They can act like obnoxious fifteen-year-olds who have been to an encounter group. In between sobriety and the twelfth step, there are the steps that will help your husband mature in his sobriety. Done with commitment and good guidance, your husband will achieve sobriety and gain a better character. It takes time though. Try Al-Anon. It is a group for the spouses and families of recovering alcoholics. It will help you detach from his behaviors.

Questions don’t get much tougher than this one. How to fix the shattered, the irreparable, or the disappeared? You don’t. There are things that cannot be fixed. Instead, they must be cried over and mourned. You and your spouse cannot fix your marriage. You can only start afresh. 

The fact that you are still together tells me that you both have commitment. That sliver of commitment is enough of a place to stand to begin again. You must think I am insane to tell you that one can start over with something this broken.

 Nevertheless, it has been done, many, many times. It is a time of courage, soul-searching, and honesty. It is a time to bite the tongue until it bleeds, and listening through tears. It is time for both of you to submit to that third entity in your lives that you have been ignoring, called the Marriage.

Someone far wiser than me said that love is not a feeling, but instead, love is a decision. Find a counselor committed to restoring broken marriages. Find some friends or family that can be supportive. Both of you hug your children close to you. Hold onto that family. Out of ashes, people have used determination, love, forgiveness, and grace to grow the best of families.

There are very few situations less worthy of your time and energy than this one. To get all crumpled about where your dog spends your vacation is just asking for a miserable time. My guess is your wife likes the dog more than you do. So, let Puppy have its sitter and focus on having a relaxing time.

It sounds like your wife and the mother of your children got seduced. I am not taking any responsibility away from her, but there is a big difference between a spouse who has a pattern of stepping out and lying, and someone who has temporarily gone crazy. 

I would invite her over and listen. There is a lot at stake here. Talk to your minister, rabbi, or priest about a marriage counselor who is committed to healing broken marriages.

Two very old fashioned words come to mind, honor, and respect. Men should honor women, which means they should not look at women as sexual releases. Women should respect men, and not use underhanded or dishonest means of winning their hearts.

I am going to leave those "foolish things" to the imagination. In the meantime, if I were you I would beg for a meeting. At that meeting I would grovel for forgiveness, heap ashes, and coals on my head (figuratively) and outline a plan that would include how it will never happen again. I would emphasize what a dumb thing it was that I did and that I take full responsibility for my actions. These are the beginning steps to righting a wrong.

Well, he is the one who lives with you. He should know. Be open-minded.  When someone gives you new information about yourself, consider it.  Go to a dozen AA meetings, listen, and get expert second opinions.

It sounds like your wife might have a memory problem. Perhaps she is taking a medication that is reacting poorly with her system. Perhaps it is something else. Make her an immediate appointment with the family doctor and bring the note. Tell the doctor every thing different you have noticed.

Well your mom is right, sort of, crossing boundaries does take work. Not everybody is happy about mixing races (or ethnic lines, for that matter). 

My observations and experience tells me you will have a more restricted life in some ways for there will be areas on both sides of any color line where you will not be welcomed as a biracial couple. And there are also lots of places that it won't matter. Biracial babies do have the problems (and advantages) that come of having a foot in each world. And it is certainly a growing phenomenon. There are over 50,000 biracial babies born each year in the United States. That's the equivalent of one small city. I don't think you need to be afraid, but you do need to weigh what you are willing to live with, and live without. Books such as Biracial Voices may help.

Driving drunk? With your kids in the car? I would sit down with him and very clearly tell him that if he comes home with the car drunk that you will call the police and have him arrested for drunk driving. You know with addicts you can't just tell them to stop it. You got to back it up with some major consequences. Try your next local Al-Anon meeting for other ideas and information.

You will have to evaluate his statement with his help. People who work at home sometimes don't make a clear delineation between home and work and their family gets shortchanged. Work starts creeping in. Of course there are those rare gotta take it phone calls, but not every day. Keeping regular hours is important not only to your job, but also to your family. So, when the spousal-unit says you're away too much, even if it is down the hall, in front of the screen, you need to listen. Be prepared to negotiate.

I don't think one has to be jealous or accusing in this situation, but one can be concerned, or even deeply concerned. When any two people spend time together emotional intimacy can escalate and at times, so can physical intimacy. These intimacies are reserved only for the marriage partner and when a third wheel gets involved; the perimeter of the marriage needs to be reemphasized. 

Bluntly put - it is inappropriate. In your shoes, I would speak to your wife and tell her your concerns about this third person who is sitting in the middle of your marriage.

You and your beloved are having the first test of your marriage. How well you both compromise and resolve this issue I think will determine the tenor and success of your marriage. In resolving such issues a good rule to remember is that no one's needs should be sacrificed for some one's wants. After the needs of both parties have been addressed then compromise on the "wants." Negotiate with love and a wish to honor your spouse-to-be.

Ahem. Madam, your husband doesn't have an "Internet problem." He has a fidelity problem - it's missing! You are not expected to monitor your beloved day and night. He is supposed to be able to manage on his own in this department. I would make an appointment as soon as possible, with a marriage counselor who also has experience in helping sexual problems.

Your husband sounds depressed. He's boxed into a nasty situation and there is no easy way out. Sounds like he needs to be seen by your family doctor for an assessment for depression and appropriate medical intervention. Then you both can realistically plan for the future.