Dogs dig up yards. Cats leave hairballs. Both have fleas.

Let’s first take some responsibility here. He chased you. You, my dear, could have ended it before it started. Just because you are chased doesn’t ever mean you have to give in. Being chased by a married man is a predictable occurrence in the lives of most single women.

He’s a bounder and a cad.  Men who step out on their wives are liars. Why would you ever think he would not lie to you?? One chooses one’s future forever love based on good character. He flunks.  

Discrimination is needed to discern a man who would be good for your life. Any woman who bases her life plans on a married man needs to have a strong dose of reality: He isn’t going anywhere. That’s why he’s still married.  

Women who have affairs with married men seem to not understand that marriage is much more than a sexual relationship. People are not necessarily happy in their committed relationships. The connections of marriage run deeper then love, and for many people, are more important.

That all said, my heart goes out to you. You must be lonely and sad. I am sorry. It is time you to stop worshiping this man (Dear Mrs Web defines any inappropriate centering of one’s life around something or someone as worship.) and begin building yourself a new life, one with a future.

Well, if his irritability is caused by depression, it may help him. If his irritability and lashing out is caused by lack of character and an unwillingness to learn how to change, you have a long, miserable life ahead. Anger management, and communications skills education as a centerpiece of couple’s counseling may be a good first step to address this issue.

You wrote a goodbye letter to your boyfriend. He mentions it to a mutual friend by starting the subject by saying "Say hi to her." This is an opening to the subject that you are no longer together. Sounds like he is letting people know you both have ended. I don’t see it as "holding on."

What is more disturbing is that your friend would forward the conversation to you, especially after you ex asked that it not be mentioned.

As a mother, I can understand your pain at your in-law’s indifference to your oldest child.

Some people can open their hearts to anyone, and some cannot. Your in-laws are people who cannot give you what you want for your daughter. They have made it abundantly clear that they do not consider your daughter their grandchild. Moreover, she isn’t. No amount of encouragement or threats is going to change this.

You cannot force your in-laws to love or treat equally someone they do not consider "their own." They are a dry well. To sit there and expect or insist that water flow from this well is futile. You are banging your head against a wall; it hurts you and disturbs everyone involved. You are not going to get your way. It is also unfair to your in-laws and your daughter.

I would not tell your daughter about your mother in law’s inability. Your daughter will realize it on her own (if not already!). It is your job to make sure she understands that different people have different abilities to love and accept. They are to be appreciated and respected. 

We run into doors that won’t open throughout life, no matter how hard or nicely that we knock.  Acceptance is a hard but worthwhile character trait to cultivate for these times.

As an aside, sometimes, I have found in my life, that the door I am currently pounding is a lot like other doors I tried to open in my past.

I think being open, vulnerable, and transparent are all-necessary for deep intimacy. Admitting honestly one’s fears and concerns as well as asking your beloved about his feelings in these areas move relationships to deeper levels. We are not all surface, but have many levels of self. There are times to set aside the pretty masks we have constructed for public view and show our hearts and tender places to each other.

There is a profound difference between whining and being open. Whining is complaining, being open is putting your issues on the table and admitting they scare or frustrate or whatever they do to you. In these cases, you would be looking for empathy and understanding, not sympathy or pity.

It depends on the reason. It is interesting you use the word scream. Is he bellowing to be picked up or played with? Is he becoming worked up before you respond to him?

If he is crying because he is teething, you will want to give him some infant pain reliever and rock him. Make sure he has the prescribed dose of pain reliever at bedtime when he is actively teething, if you want to sleep through the night. If he is yelling because he is lonely during the day, move him near you while you do your chores.

I always kept my babies within sight all day except while they were napping. Talk to him.  Take him out for airings in the stroller.  Make sure he has plenty of attention, lots of toys, and soothing music. All my babies enjoyed classical music. This is a demanding time on a mother. It will eventually get a bit easier.

When I hear someone tell me that the people in her life call her "ugly," I cringe. Because instead of looking at the reality, which is that these name-callers are cruel, mean people, the hurt person actually believes the cruel remarks. Moreover, they are lies.

Go to any church, play, or concert that has a mix of ages and look at the married couples, old and young. Are they all raving beauties? No, of course not, they are mostly, plain looking, every day people, just like Dear Mrs Web.  

Having a loving, lifelong relationship has little to do with the symmetry of your face, but has instead is about the warmth and energy you project in your life. Being truly beautiful is about health, radiance, and the spark of life you show to the world. When you are interested in others and have hobbies and passions that you bring to relationships you show the true inner grace and beauty that actually changes the muscles beneath the skin of the face and beautifies all.

Begin by smiling. Be well groomed. Pick your best feature, eyes, lips, shiny hair, attractive ears, and highlight it. By finding grace and joy in your life, and an interest in others, you will find love. I don’t know how old you are, but many women blossom after high school.

Don’t ever let anybody determine how you feel about yourself. No one should have that kind of power over you. Stay away from people who tear you down.  You are a unique gift to this world. Never forget that.

If you are young and live at home, tell your parents. Otherwise, I would contact her parents or other close family members immediately and tell them what you know. Voice your concern for her. If you are at college, go to the counseling department, guidance office, or student health center immediately and tell them what is going on with her.

You are right; she is in harm’s way and she won’t move on her own. Don’t worry about losing her friendship. Getting her outside help is the best thing any friend could ever do.

In the old days, it was considered bad form to fish in the office pool. Attitudes changed during the 80’s and 90’s and work was filled with "pillow talk." Things seem to be coming full circle again with the assistance of the faceless government bureaucracy. The office pool is again off-limits.

If you work at a company with a personnel office, I would ask them for relationship guidelines. A number of businesses protect themselves from harassment lawsuits by not allowing employees to fraternize, especially employees in dominant and subordinate jobs. 

There are both federal and state laws to consider here, so I would not begin to guess what applies. I think you would be wise to clarify your position and responsibilities. Remember, girlfriends either become former girlfriends or wives. An angry former girlfriend could be a walking lawsuit.

The United States military, and I assume, other militaries overseas, are structured rigidly with a clear hierarchy. Relationships are elaborately defined and there are specific ways to cope with people above and below you on the ladder.

Confronting this man is probably not a good idea. However, you have 11 months left to serve and you are going to have to learn how to get along with him. There are few things more uncomfortable than being in the military with a superior who doesn’t like your performance.

If you really think you need to discuss the problem with the superior in question, I would say something to the effect: "My work has not been up to standards. Would you please point out the areas you see that need improvement." Say "yes sir" and "thank you" when he is done. Don’t argue.

You know what the problems are, and you need to take a good hard look at your performance. Your best bet is to perform your tasks so willingly and well, before you are asked, that you become invisible. In the military, the under-performer or over-performer (a person who would want to make the military a career) both stand out.

Watch the people around you who have been successful at discharging their duties and mimic them. You need to keep your record clean for the next 11 months and not rebel. Your superior has a real ability to make your future miserable. There are things in life we just have to get through, and this, sir, is one of them.

If she thinks it is a good idea, you can then sit down and talk to him. You don’t have to spill everything to Mr. Smith either, but you can be straightforward and tell him that you were assaulted and seriously hurt and you know it has affected your performance at work.   Tell him what you said to me, that you like the company, want a future here, and that your are doing your best to pull it together. People are usually understanding when they can make sense of the changes they see.

I am sorry you were hurt. You are in a sad spot now. You will eventually emerge a stronger more compassionate woman. You are in my thoughts.

I think it depends upon several factors including your ages, the length and depth of your acquaintance;  what your parents and siblings say about an impending marriage;  and how well both your families are incorporating both of you into their family structures.

You need to know each other as a friend, as well as a beloved. I do not believe in long engagements, but I do believe it is important for both members of the couple to take responsibility and do their homework about each other. Marriage is a life-long commitment so it is important to have agreement about the major issues in life. Use Dear Mrs. Web’s Questions to Explore with Your Beloved to help you learn more about each other.

I believe couple should talk at length with all the people who know them well and listen to the information that they receive. The love-struck are often blind.

I would say kindly: " I love you. When you go to restaurants featuring undressed women, it feels disrespectful to our relationship. Our sex life, in all its aspects, is sacred to me. This creates a wedge in our lives."

You cannot forbid him, you can only tell him what is on your heart. Your boyfriend will make his own choices. If he makes a choice you do not like, you will need to take a hard look at the differences you both have in the values you hold. The you will need to decide whether you can live with them.

In my opinion, I don’t think this is something to be unduly concerned about. It is a one-time event, so far. My focus would be on making sure she is safe. I have always mentioned things like this to my doctor when I see him.

The one question that I would have about this episode, since this is new behavior, is whether she under any new stress in her family or at school? Has anything appreciably changed for her? Sleep changes can be a response to stress.

When a child talks or screams with eyes open but is still not awake it is called "night terrors." My son had them occasionally. Not fun.