You are considering a relationship with an alcoholic. Moreover, you are concerned about hurting his feelings about his poor life choices. Why are you worried about how you sound? The blunt truth is that he is an alcoholic and you should be running in the opposite direction. You have known him a year now. What could possibly attract you to a barfly, even a delightful barfly? Do you really want to deal with all the problems that occur in a marriage to an alcoholic? It’s not anything I’d volunteer to do.

Women who coast from one alcoholic to another usually like the familiar craziness of the alcoholic life. I recommend Al-Anon. Get some perspective here.

Leave him in the dust. If someone told me he never said he wanted to go out with me, I would take it as "No". I would find someplace else for my interests. It is important to listen to what people say and how it relates to you.

Unless you have had a direct or indirect role in this woman’s motherhood, don’t send flowers to her on Mother’s Day

One should only acknowledge Mother’s Day with a woman who has some kind of motherly role in your life, wife, mother, grandmother, close Aunt, a daughter… 

Therefore, my choice would be Easter or perhaps an unexpected, fresh, spring bouquet just because it is spring!

Dear Mrs Web wants to assure you that it is out of your hands and you will do just fine, whatever happens.

  When I am stressed over something I have no control over, I make sure I treat myself well. I also do relaxation exercises and play calming music. I get rid of television and anything blaring and jangling. Long hot soaks in the tub, my favorite books and movies, a favorite food as a treat, and lots of exercise, I usually walk three miles a day but I will increase it to five during extremely stressful times. I take all the other stress I can away, such as extraneous appointments, or other worries. I do my best to cooperate with my family and avoid the people I find difficult to cope with in my life.

The other thing you need to realize is that is nothing in a college rejection that can really hurt you. You may be disappointed, but when one path closes other paths open. You have nothing to fear.

What you are experiencing is not uncommon. You have lost your boundaries about a past relationship. Often, an event such as a death can open these boundaries.

You gave your heart to someone 12 years ago. Then the relationship ended. You both moved on. There is, at this time, a denial that relationships cost us much. Or that they leave lasting impressions in our lives. This is, of course, not true. When we emotionally and physically connect with someone, we carry it throughout our lives. It is, in some ways, a marriage, with all the liability to the heart. This is why I am such a great advocate of courtship.

I had something similar happen to me with my first husband. After many years, I had a great urge to connect with him. It too, happened during the death, of a family member. I discovered my need to acknowledge the great pain of our divorce (I had denied it back when it happened) and mourn the end of relationship. This happened over ten years into my present marriage. I mourned the loss of the path not continued, the life I did not lead, the children we did not have… It was truly a time of unpacking the past, then repacking it in a new way. I was able to do this in the safety and strength of my marriage with my husband and children as my anchors.

This is a somewhat common issue. We sometimes lose our boundaries and our feelings rage out of control. This is the time we cling to our  commitments and rely on the the good judgment of others, such as our spouse and family.  Feelings are fleeting, and change depending on emotional and physical states. Don’t base your life on them. 

Think of the people who have exploded their lives in order to follow a feeling, such as the man who leaves his wife and family for the 21-year-old aerobics instructor, or the mom who ditches everything to live with the meter man. Only then can you realize how destructive a truly feelings-based decision-making process can bring.

At the same time I am not saying ignore your feelings, they do need to be processed, cried over, written about, and deeply experienced. I find writing (but not sending) a letter to the person in question to be a big relief. Some people do other creative things like make a sculpture, painting a picture, using photography, or writing and performing music.

In short, no, I do not think you should contact your past beloved. I think you should instead, do the processing work, repackage this piece of your life, and move on.

I am assuming your Mom wanted you to help her by having you hold his bandaged hands while she washed him. If this is the case, although I understand your embarrassment, sometimes nursing a hurt family member takes more than one pair of hands.

If on the other hand you are saying that you had to give him a bath by yourself because she was busy doing other things, I think you have a point to negotiate. You could ask her whether you could trade that chore for different chores that would take some of the burden off her. Do the negotiating when she is not too busy, but when you can talk to her quietly and privately. If you show a lot of willingness to do other things, she most likely will see your perspective and change your jobs.

Keep your mouth shut. If you are continuously having problems then you need to do it differently. If someone started picking arguments with me, I would stop taking the bait. Instead, smile and agree with them. Change the subject if possible. Suddenly remember another commitment and leave politely.

You wanted to be a part of the dress buying as mother of the bride. This is definitely a Mother’s Hallmark Moment. I would be a bit hurt too, but I am not sure it is worth getting angry over.

I would feel that I missed an opportunity. I evaluate and choose what other opportunities will be important to me as mother of the bride. I would have a long and loving talk with my daughter, a real heart-to-heart about how much the wedding means to me. I would discuss how much I would like to work side by side with her on certain aspects. I would be loving and clear. I would listen closely to my daughter and see if we could find places in the wedding planning and execution that we could do together. Finally, I would realize that brides get a little crazy, and give her some grace.

The honeymoon is over. Too bad you didn’t wait until you were married to have it.

People disappoint us and behave badly all the time – that is the nature of living with humans. Family seems to do it best. Our job as adults is not to get angry, or do the cutoff. Instead, it is to confront them gently; with truth and love.  Also to show the disappointment, hurt, and sadness in your heart. Realize there are some things and people you cannot change and accept this with grace. Remember we can love people and still not play their silly games.

Your grievances, frankly, although valid and important to you, are minor in the face of the loss of your family life. Forgiveness and an ability to travel above the fray are wonderful abilities to cultivate when in difficult family situations. 

We all have …ahem… unusual relatives and the best thing to do with them is to enjoy them at an emotional distance and keep our integrity intact.

The last thing you want to teach your children is that the best or final response to a situation that doesn’t resolve to their liking is to cut the people off. This is your family. In my opinion, it is time to reach out.

I think it would depend on the area and amount to be liposuctioned. If we were removing a wee bit under the chin, it would certainly be less than sucking out ol’ thunder thighs.

My guess would be in the $2-10,000 range. Good plastic surgeons will be able to give you a firm price. I would make an appointment and discuss it with a reputable physician. Careful, there are many quacks out there with a compressor and a three-day workshop under their belts. Get someone experienced and board-certified.

Otherwise, is seems some want intelligent women, for others, it is not a major requirement. Some like independent women, others want cling-ons. Some place an inordinate emphasis on physical beauty, others really don’t care or prefer an inner beauty.  Some prefer women who look like their mothers, some don't.

So I don’t think there is a list that works with every single guy. The best way to explore the subject is to ask the favorite guy what he thinks most men look for in a woman and then ask how his list would be similar/different.

You are telling me that when you put some limits on the 9 year-old about closing the mother’s bedroom off to him, the relationship cooled.  Sir, you came between a mother and her kid. Bad place to be.

You are in an uncommitted relationship with this woman with a "Maybe someday…future." You have no grounds and no standing in this family. You are a sex add-on feature, her good friend and love bug. Friends come and go, and one can love a teddy bear too. So the words "I love you" don’t mean much to me.

You are also in a relationship with a woman who would let an uncommitted man into her bed and play house with her family. In my opinion, this is a woman with inappropriate boundaries and poor judgment. If you want someone to love you back, be in relationships where you have some standing and influence. Make a commitment and get married.

Not with Dear Mrs. Web’s help, you... bounder, you...! Dear Mrs Web does not believe for one moment that having uncommitted sex is good for this poor girl (or you). Of course, she will be hurt, and so will you, on one level or another. Uncommitted emotional and physical relationships hurt our innermost being and cause us to treat others like objects for our convenience and desires.  

Dear Mrs Web supports courtship as an option for men and women. An increasing number of thoughtful dating aged singles are becoming involved. Look in my bookshelf for more information.

Otherwise, is seems some want intelligent women, for others, it is not a major requirement. Some like independent women, others want cling-ons. Some place an inordinate emphasis on physical beauty, others really don’t care or prefer an inner beauty (Sometimes a beauty only they can see.).

So I don’t think there is a list that works with every single guy. The best way to explore the subject is to ask the favorite guy what he thinks most men look for in a woman and then ask how his list would be similar/different.

You are telling me that when you put some limits on the 9 year-old about closing the mother’s bedroom off to him, the relationship cooled.  Sir, you came between a mother and her kid. Bad place to be.

You are in an uncommitted relationship with this woman with a "Maybe someday…future." You have no grounds and no standing in this family. You are a sex add-on feature, her good friend and love bug. Friends come and go, and one can love a teddy bear too. These words don’t mean much to me.

You are also in a relationship with a woman who would let an uncommitted man into her bed and play house with her family. In my opinion, this is a woman with inappropriate boundaries and poor judgment. If you want someone to love you back, be in relationships where you have some standing and influence. Make a commitment and get married.

Not with Dear Mrs. Web’s help, you... bounder, you...! Dear Mrs Web does not believe for one moment that having uncommitted sex is good for this poor girl (or you). Of course, she will be hurt, and so will you, on one level or another. Uncommitted emotional and physical relationships have made her rightfully fearful. Dear Mrs Web supports courtship as an option for men and women. An increasing number of thoughtful dating aged singles are becoming involved. Look in my bookshelf for more information.