I don’t know if he really loves you. I stopped doing long-distance mind reading.  Dear Mrs Web considers commitment to marriage prime evidence of love.  Dear Mrs Web also does not consider it healthy to have a boyfriend involved in your children’s lives!

I certainly hope he is working and you re not giving him a free financial ride.

You will also want to talk with them about making sure you are safe too.  People sometimes get upset if their plans are mucked up.  Take care now

You have seen this man at a local bar and over a year’s time you had three sexual encounters with him. No commitment, no connections – just sex. His emotional commitments are elsewhere and you feel betrayed.

My dear, you opened yourself emotionally to a bar pickup. No strings sex is just that – no commitment. Just because he is nice, doesn’t mean he has anything but sexual interest in you. Most men are nice with the women they want to use sexually; it gets them farther. What I can’t comprehend is why you are desperate over a person you were involved with in casual sexual encounters.

It seems you have mistaken sex for affection or even love. Just because someone has sex with you doesn’t mean that any affection exists.  

Sex can drive one's heart.  That is why sex is precious. Only have sex when you are in a relationship with someone who loves you, who cares for you, and who will appreciate the gift of your body and emotions.

I think you need to readjust your dating methods. First, become emotionally connected, and then have a sexual union - preferably in the bonds of marriage.

You need to stop obsessing about a man who gave you crumbs. You may want to list out what you want in a loving, committed relationship and hold out for it. There are plenty of wonderful, men out there who are looking for commitment and love. I know, they write me.

Yes. Absolutely.

Your mother’s life will be destroyed only if she destroys it. Her life is her responsibility and she will choose how she wants to handle the unexpected changes she faces. Life is filled with these unexpected changes and courage is needed to face them.

However, she has options: can stay where she is and continue her life with her friends and acquaintances. Or she can relocate with you. On the other hand, since you won’t be that far away, she may stay where she is for the time being and when she needs more care/supervision move to your new location.

If she were my mother, I would give her some time to get used to the idea. Sometimes gathering courage to face change takes time. Make your plans. Be very loving to her and tell her you will understand and accept whatever decision she makes about relocation.

You have opened your heart and your body to this man and are now carrying his child. You have trusted your innermost being to him, as well as the creation of one of the most important people in your life – your child. 

It seems that you have become irrevocably involved with someone who you really don’t know very well and you have some fears and concerns. You have a baby on the way and a lot to decide about its future, your future, and your relationship with its father.

Trust is a foundation of any relationship.  I think the best way of talking to someone about concerns and feelings in a relationship is to use "I statements." For example: I sometimes feel I cannot trust you because… or when you say that I feel… It is never rude to talk about relationship concerns when the conversation is respectful.

If he had been saving small children from a blazing building, or in a severe car accident, well, I guess I would understand – this time. However, if he was having a great time with the buddies and losing track of time, or involved with a project and didn’t even call, well, I think it is time for THE TALK.

The TALK consists of discussing how you feel when you are forgotten: "When you forget me I feel unloved…and it hurts…I need to know…I get so worried you are hurt…." 

Make it clear that this episode is a major event for you and causes all kinds of pain. Make him aware of the costs of his behaviors. Do this calmly and clearly. Then drop the subject. If he continues to be forgetful, you have to decide what you will and won’t tolerate.

The situation between this man and your baby sister is inappropriate. His behavior is invasive and her behavior is the normal way a fifteen-year-old acts when an older man is seducing her. In my opinion, your sister is not safe.

Would your mother allow this man to sexually seduce your baby sister? Women have been known to use their children to keep a man interested.

This man also asked your mother whether he could sleep with another daughter. Since your mother didn’t show him the door after such an inappropriate statement, I think your baby sister is at risk for sexual abuse by this creep. 

She needs to be pried out of there. Talk to your father immediately. You will both need to use whatever legal means available. Talk to a lawyer and the local welfare offices. Make sure you get a restraining order protecting the girl from him. Judges do not look kindly on home situations that include boyfriends sniffing around underage children.

Trust is the foundation of marriage. Your wife does not trust you. She has some good reasons to be concerned. The industry you are working in is very hard on marriages. Musicians, and other entertainers, especially well-known ones, are in the midst of alcohol, drugs, and sexual acting out. 

The headiness and glitz of the industry can change people. Performers change and grow for their audiences. As a wife and perhaps, mother, your wife’s concerns are somewhat reasonable. No woman at age 34 and with three kids wants to be dumped for a groupie or record exec. In this day of easy divorce and lack of commitment, this isn’t a stretch to imagine.

On the other hand, you could be having affairs while pumping gas. Many of the choices you'll make with respect to your marriage commitment will be dependent on your character, and how you choose to keep it intact. Marriage, especially marriages with stresses of separation, adulation, and travel need more communication and work than the ones with a 9 to 5 life.

In your shoes, I would get into marriage counseling with my spouse. Trust-building would be the focus. Your wife may have insecurities that your behaviors are setting off. In addition, you both need to examine your expectations about marriage.

It is time to learn the details of marital communication. You need to know how to communicate with her so she feels connected. In addition, she needs to learn how to enter your world and become comfortable in it. She needs to know it and understand it, because this is part of you. I would, of course, expect you to do the same for her. You are a team working together to design the lives that you both want. There is nothing, in my opinion, that supports one more than a solid, strong marriage.

Do not misunderstand me, I think the marriage comes first, even before a world-famous career!  However, I think that the issues do not make it an either/or situation. With full commitment and communication and hard work you might be able to have both.

You showed you cared during what must have been a difficult time for him.

I have always had a theory that the mentally and morally troubled are the canaries of a culture. They are cultural indicators. They act out the desires of the zeitgeist, especially the hidden or not so hidden hatreds and fears. Right on the edge, they are the first to go when the guardrails are removed. Many of the safety features normally in a culture to protect they young have been eliminated.

Children are obedient; they do exactly what they are told. Look around you today to discover exactly what we are telling them to do. Television, video games, magazines, commercials, and hobbled schools give children. teens and adults hedonistic, violent messages. Unprotected children and teens as well as troubled adults exposed to these messages will comply, to the great grief of the community and the nation.

This is essentially a pre-nuptial agreement. My concern for you is future planning and asset building. Since a house is the one biggest asset most families accumulate, you should not be shut out of it.  I have a number of letters in my mailbox every week about  married 40 year old men who fall for younger women.  

You and your fiancé should come to a mutually beneficial agreement and your fiancé alone should deal with his parents.

When I think of matchmakers, I think of people who will search in their ethnic or religious databases for a mate within the ethnic or religious enclaves. Orthodox Jews, high caste Indians, and some Arabs use traditional matchmakers. I am not aware of any more broadly based matchmaking services. Please let me know if there are any.

In the meantime, there are dating services. For the more traditional there is a new, well-recommended service called Singles With Scruples. I think that says it all.

Cutting back a bit at work to find the right woman may be the best thing you ever do. Because you cannot have a family and such a hectic schedule, so this would be a good time to lean how to gain some balance in your life.

This boy is at the edge of puberty. In your shoes, I would advise putting him into family counseling. His father, you, and his mother will all need to learn how to help, guide, and direct this child. He needs attention.

It is time for the adults in his life to clear their calendars and focus on this child. It will be important to work with the counselor to help this child find a niche and a way to shine in life. You will be surprised at how positive attention will change a child’s heart. He is at a good age to catch this isolating, angry behavior and turn it around. However, it is going to take time, attention, and commitment.

You said you thought you and Louise are falling in love. But you really haven’t talked to her about it yet, have you? Let us not assume. Check it out.

When individuals become emotionally attached and detached such as this, problems happen. Dating and going out are, frankly, a way of shopping around. People get hurt. That is why I prefer courtship. You are going to need to decide what relationships are valuable to you and choose accordingly.

I don’t provide psychological profiles. However, I do have an opinion about it. People who flirt, generally like or need attention from the opposite sex. Flirting can also be a way a woman gains power in a given situation. Flirting can signal availability or lack of self-control. 

In some areas of the country, particularly the South, flirting can be part of the way women of certain classes relate to all men; it is understood there to be all in innocent good fun.

I will be frank with you, I consider any man or woman in a relationship that isn’t firmly engaged (ring and date) or marriage, to be somewhat available. Therefore, I would not consider flirting totally out of line.

However, I feel that a betrothed couple and of course, married couples, have a commitment that precludes opposite-sex attention-getting maneuvers. A betrothed who flirts would be a poor marriage bet, because it would show lack of control and judgment. Moreover, a flirting husband or wife with a roving eye would cause great pain to a family. However, there is no reason for people who are in "relationships" or steadily seeing each other to close down their options completely.

That said, I would find a woman who flirts with others when dating someone to be rude. The old "dance with the one what brung you" rule says it is best to pay attention to the one you are with now.