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Also, your church members are most likely concerned that the two of you are placing yourself in a difficult position. The sex drive is powerful and has been known to override the best of intentions. The tradition of separating men and women before marriage acknowledges this humanness.

In your shoes, I would find another place for him when he visits you (and vice versa). Let people know you need someplace to put up your boyfriend. Church members would probably be delighted to open their homes. Talk to your pastor.  Ask for help.

I don’t know whether there is anything you can do to help the situation. You seem to be expecting their attitudes to change. that they will suddenly accept you. After 16 years, nothing is going to change, except your attitude.

Face it, there is noting much there for you or your children. The well is dry. That is very sad, for family should provide a bounty of love and support for your children and you. However, it isn’t. The best thing you can do is to mourn the empty well and focus on your husband, your children, your church, your own family, and other places that will give you the respect and caring we all crave and deserve.

When with your in-laws, try being cool, pulled back, polite and distant. Attend the major family functions you are invited to that you and your husband both choose to attend. Stop turning somersaults to get anything positive from these people.

In-laws can be a difficult issue in a marriage. You and your husband will need to come to some sort of meeting of the minds. You don’t mention how his relationship is with his family. Your husband tells you he feels you may be a contributor to the difficulties. I would sit down and listen to him. No anger, no tears, no recriminations. Just listen. Our mates can hold up a mirror and give us information about ourselves that we cannot see.

Thank you for taking the time to read my column. I appreciate your thoughtful comments. I do not think that my advice would require you to be a 31 year old virgin without an emotionally significant relationship. If you reserved emotional and physical intimacy for a life-long commitment, you most likely would make different choices in your life. Marriage might take a higher and earlier priority.

I agree that the average age of marriage has increased, I think that one significant reason for this increase is that instead of life-long committed marriage, young adults often have serial monogamous pseudo-marriages. I have seen many twenty and thirty year old people reeling from the breakups of these "marriages without strings." They are actually a kind of divorce. In my opinion, playing house is a path to guarded emotions, inability to trust or commit, and training grounds for divorce.

You find that sexual intercourse boosts your self-esteem and helps you feel good about yourself. This is sex, although with a partner, that is all about you. It sounds isolated and lonely. 

Is it bad?  I think it would be more helpful to evaluate it differently.  Does it protect or enhance your emotions and ability love and commit, now and in the future?  Or are you meeting a short-term need at a greater cost than perhaps, you realize.  

In a committed relationship there are additional reasons to have sex: To make love, to feel totally accepted, safe and secure. To drop your pretenses and emotional boundaries to be with one who loves you endlessly, to make the one you love happy, to revel in your oneness, to explore the body of your beloved, to conceive children, to bond after a time apart, whether by argument or distance…the list is endless and the difference, profound.

In my family bedwetters have fallen into two different categories. The first category is the wetter who is only dry when liquids are prohibited. He either sleep too heavily or do not have the neurological wiring to successfully wake up when needed. My doctor tells me this child will probably wet through puberty. I comfort myself with the thought that he probably won't wear diapers at his wedding.

The other type of bedwetter at my house has been the unmotivated bedwetter. I made a chart of squares for him and hung it in the bathroom. Each night I walked him to the bathroom before my bedtime. Every dry morning we filled in a block with a sticker and every third sticker was awarded with a gift he wanted. This child is extremely food motivated and a couple of cookies or a hot chocolate would satisfy. Eventually he caught on was dry after about forty stickers.

All children are different. Bedwetting should be evaluated by your doctor. Then relax.

My dear, you are 15 years old. You have been pregnant, miscarried, and abandoned. Now you want to go back for more. It sounds like you want to be loved and cared for more than you care about your well-being and safety. I don’t think what you are experiencing is love.  Love takes a long time to grow and is kind, caring, and protective. Love involves being cherished. These things are not in the relationship you had with this young man.

Have you tried to talk to your mom? If your mother is not available to you is there another woman in your life who would listen to you and give you guidance? It sounds like your heart wants to connect so badly, that you lack judgment about relationships. This sometimes happens. When emotions overrule better judgment. I recommend you listen to the counsel and judgments of people who care for you, a mother, aunt, older sister, or an adult good friend.

You are supposed to be involved, they’re your children. I object to the idea that emotional involvement precludes clear thinking. I am passionately involved with my family and make choices and decision that are the best for my children because of my great love for them. Those who are not invested would not make the choices and sacrifices I do.

I am going to say something you are not going to like to hear. This man is not good for your family. He may be good for you, but you are not alone. Given the ages of your children, you will not be alone for a good long time.  This is the time for you to evaluate him to see how he fits in to in your whole life, not just the couple’s part.  I am sorry to say he flunks.

He does not have the empathy or compassion to be involved in a relationship with a woman with children. Children require lots of work, and, as you know, can be inconvenient, upsetting, frustrating, unpleasant and at times, difficult. It takes a person with a heart commitment to weather this. Your children deserve better than to be ignored or casually treated in the intimacy of their home.

If your family and your boyfriend want to work on this issue, I would recommend and family counseling. However, not unless there is a commitment to marriage. Otherwise, It wouldn’t be fair for the children.

How difficult for you! I think this woman has a problem and you and your family are where she is putting her emotions about it. I would not confront her at all. I would be kind, considerate, and distant when thrown together.

I am not one to suffer silently while my reputation is being damaged. I would discuss the situation over coffee individually with a few selected friends within the neighborhood, the school, and the community. I would also mention it to the child’s teacher and your own family doctor. I would also say to people that it is a tough situation and you are protecting your family by pulling back from her. Be clear with everyone that the things she is saying are untrue and that her unfounded gossip is hurting your family.

You and your husband need to get into family therapy counseling. Now. Pronto. For the sake of that little ten-month old. Something is going on in your relationship that needs to be explored. Something is broken. A nice guy turned into a not so nice guy.  Also, has he had a complete medical work-up recently?  I recommend one.

Your baby deserves better. So, do the both of you. Nine years is a long time to throw away without attempting to put it back together. New studies show 90+% of the couples who stick out the tough parts and work on their marriages, when interviewed five years later were in happy, productive marriages.

So no. Don’t divorce. Look into fixing things first.  A year or more of family therapy. Maybe individual counseling if needed. Divorce should be an absolutely last resort, because it will leave lasting marks on all of you, for the rest of your lives.

Let’s see if I understand you. You have been dating a man for a year. Your divorces were final six months ago. Therefore, while still legally married you both were dating each other. Now that you are legally divorced, you want to become engaged or even married.

At this point, your beloved is concerned about how things look. It seems a bit late to me.

Make an appointment for the both of you, with the church pastor and ask for his opinion. He will be able to give you a better perspective about divorce and remarriage within the local church as well as the denomination.

This is the time to settle this little dispute, can you imagine these two haggling over the baby??? You would need Solomon!

This is your husband’s family. It’s your husband’s job. Dear Mrs Web’s rule number one for families and happy marriages is if your family is causing your spouse grief, you are to confront family members involved and arrange/request that they stop their grief-causing behaviors. If they refuse or are unable to stop their problematic behavior, you protect your spouse and family unit by stepping away from the problem family members and limiting your contact. Your spouse and immediate family come first.

Their relationship problems are theirs alone.  And one can imagine and understand the painful feelings that may occur between an current and ex-wife. However, be clear that we are all grownups here and they are expected to behave like grownups in public with each other, for the sake of the family. Even if it causes their teeth to crumble under the jaw pressure of keeping their mouths shut. Their animosities do not have to drip all over you.

Send them! Absolutely. I know my husband has been delighted when I have sent him flowers when he is on business trips. Guys need to be romanced too!

You are running smack into the biggest problem of intimacy without commitment. You have opened your heart to someone, you have built a history with her, but now your feelings are changing despite your continued love.

Feelings change and flux, it is normal. Commitment doesn’t. Commitment is the glue that holds couples together when the feelings jump around and follow the pretty girl walking down the street, or the handsome guy who charms. Feelings are momentary, and change over time. They are not the foundation of lasting love.

This is why Dear Mrs. Web does not encourage emotional or physical intimacy without life-long commitment.

In your shoes, I would look at the love, history, and meaning of your beloved in your life. I would then decide whether to commit to my beloved permanently.

Just reach over and take her hand gently. Keep those public displays of affection to a minimum. Remember, the more physical contact you have with your girlfriend, the more you are going to want. That’s the way we are wired.

I have never been a fan of men (or women) who don’t end their ongoing relationships, but instead, cheat. There is, in my opinion, something lacking in their characters. My gut reaction is "walk away now." I think you already know this.

You need to decide what your values and interests are and go to places that have the kinds of people who share them. I recommend volunteer organizations, churches, hobbies, and classes as places to meet people. Find organizations or political groups, which reflect your philosophy and beliefs.

It is best to get to know a woman when you both are involved together with a common goal. Relationships become dramatically easier when you unload the man/woman angst (as much as possible) and reach beyond it. You also will get a better flavor of her personality than mere dating provides.

When dating, be creative. Go biking, hiking, picnicking, or skiing, for example. Look at my Things to Do for Couples. for more ideas.

I am think you are in a tough spot. You want this man to fit your hopes and dreams. You are even willing to put aside your core self (spiritual beliefs and family values!!) to accommodate him. This concerns me.

You said being married is important for you.   You must honor this need by being honest with your beloved. It is time to sit down and, lovingly but clearly explain this to him. If I were in you position, I would stop playing house.

Don't worry, unless your beloved is a spineless wonder, you will not be forcing him into anything he doesn’t want. I can’t guarantee you won’t lose him. Taking a stand on your needs and beliefs requires risk.  But some things are worth it, like personal integrity.