Dear Mrs. Web Personal Advice Column -- Welcome!

My boyfriend and I were fighting. We have been doing that a lot and this time I called the cops this time. They arrested us both. We went to court the next day. He wanted nothing to do with me. Restraining orders were put in place and I had to leave the apartment. Now we have to go to counseling to drop the charges. The reason I had to leave is that I have family in the area, but none of them want me to move in. So I am alternating sleeping on a friend’s couch and crashing on the floor of my aunt’s vacation condo that is empty and for sale. I feel so abandoned. I think that I have become a better person and want to talk to my boyfriend about this. I thought that I could send him my journals. What do you think?

Dear Mrs. Web thinks that you had better get to your court-ordered counseling and get the protection order dropped before you try to communicate to him. Otherwise, your little tail will get hauled off to jail so fast it will scorch.

Dear Mrs. Web,

I have an issue with my sister and her husband. Ten years ago I discovered that my now ex-wife was having an affair with my brother-in-law. I was blown away by this and instead of staying calm and plotting ways to catch them in “the act” I exploded on her when she returned. I eventually got the confession out of her and thought we could work it out and save our marriage but it was hopeless because she couldn’t be trusted and eventually she cheated again. I told my sister about their affair and she would not believe me. Her husband denied everything. My sister would not believe it even when I presented her with the printed email and text messages stating word for word what my wife had written about the affair to a friend. My sister then talked to our parents and sibs and tried to make sure her husband’s name remained in the clear. Everyone sided with my sister. I went through a terrible divorce and my ex moved with the kids to a new man and marriage. The kids are now living 10 hours away and it has been hard to let them go. I was pressured from my ex’s attorney that if I didn’t let her take them out of the state she would go after me and my business and financially wipe me out. It was a nasty time. How do I deal with my sister and her husband at family gatherings? There they are so happy together with their family, living a lie. I, who told the truth am not believed and have nothing. I have been in a relationship during this whole process and my girlfriend has been helpful and supportive but she doesn’t really want to hear me talk about it anymore. She thinks my sister needs to bury her head in the sand to save her marriage and I feel that it’s impossible to move on unless the truth has been acknowledge by everyone.

I am going to tell you something that is going to be hard for you to hear. Life is unfair and what choices your sister and her husband make are actually none of your business. People make deals like this all the time. Your life came apart as a result of the affair. Your sister and her husband continue. That must be painful on one hand, but on the other hand it sounds like you have made a new life. You are obsessing about this issue and it will damage every relationship that you have with family and friends. I recommend that you talk to your doctor about your obsessions and get it treated, with medication for the anxiety and some good counseling with someone who uses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. You need to get out of those circular thoughts. They are poisoning you.

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