Aren’t you the underage boy with the 19-year-old girlfriend? I think you are swimming out of your depth. Your parents have given you limits. I think you need to follow their rules. They have your future in mind and I can assure you that if you are fiddling around with your girlfriend, your future is dim. Do you really want to be a father at 17?

I happen to believe that a true mark of maturity is the ability to accept limits, as well as honesty. Purchase and read I Kissed Dating GoodBye. It is on my website bookshelf. .

This is a great problem. You have an under-performing 15-year-old. She has clearly had to abilities to make it this far in school and has become undisciplined.  I don’t know where her dad is but if he can be brought into the picture to help, you could work together as a coordinated effort.

Of course, she is intelligent. The toughest kids to parent can be the bright ones. She knows how to wear you down. She knows if she just keeps slacking off you will give up and she won’t have any consequences. Except the long-term ones of only being educated enough to flip burgers.

To be honest, you seem to be trying to pass off this tough part of parenting to the special needs department of her school. You and your family have to become involved here instead of giving  her a convenient label to ease your conscience. You have teachers telling you what this kid needs, consistent riding, boundaries, and for you to be more involved.

I imagine she has played you like a violin for a while. Young teens are a lot like 2-year-olds. Heck, recent brain research has recently shown that young teens actually have the same changes happening in their brains that two-year-olds experience. Because of these changes they often cannot fully comprehend cause and effect and follow through on it. They need authoritative, loving, involved parenting.

They need boundaries, firm limits and clear, meaningful consequences. You do not have a miniature adult on your hands, although at times, she does look and act like one. You have a child who needs your guidance, direction, and limits.

Her teachers are saying you need to check her homework.  Have her come home with teacher-signed assignment pads. Each teacher signs it each day,  even if there is no assignment.

Be with her while she does her homework every night, and be in the school every week catching up with the teachers to make sure she is participating and improving. You have family members who are willing to help, lucky you!! Coordinate with them and the teachers involved and to help eliminate this rebellious lack of discipline.  

No television, radios, CDs, no shopping, no going out after school, no friends over, no sleepovers, no mall, nada. She needs to earn these and any other privilege by improved performance. If she were mine, I would sit her down with my family and graciously, kindly and firmly tell her the new rules.

Also, assure her if there is not a noticeable and immediate  improvement in her behavior, Mom (or an other designated family member) will be going to school with her everyday. They will sit next to her in all her classes to help her focus on her work so she can have the grades she needs to assure her a productive future. Couch this with caring words, as her mother you are concerned about her future. Always talk to her in a matter-of-fact tone and without anger, even if you have to step away and return to the issue later.

It is time for you to do this part of your job as mother.  I am not trying to minimize your illness or heavy schedule. This will not be easy.  However, this is a time to rely on others, drop every other ball possible, and focus on your daughter. Right now.

We have different values, you and I, so you will need to bear with me. Unlike you, I think what you went through was momentous, not a mere biology experiment.

You put yourself in a sexual situation with a young man who was not your beloved, betrothed or husband. You opened your body to him out of curiosity and a sense of "let's get it over with" which is a reflection of the beliefs you have gained from the common culture through the media. It sounds like you went into the sexual act while emotionally numb and continue to feel numb about it. How sad. Sharing your body is an intimate and private moment reserved for the beloved, the person who accepts and loves all of you.

I consider sex as a physical manifestation of sharing the heart. I am sorry you were with a young man who did not value your body and heart enough to walk away.

You have told your friends and now it is school  gossip. Sex between two who are beloved is an intimate and private subject, not something to be opened to the scrutiny of friends. We live in a time where sex is discussed casually in the media and people model casual sex on television. However, the magazines and television shows are all orchestrated public relation manipulations and scriptwriter fantasies. None of it is based on the reality of human emotions.

It seems as if your emotional numbing has made you not able to understand the big deal of mechanically rubbing you genitals with someone. In one sense, you are right, when looked at in such a narrow perspective, it is just genital rubbing. However, when your heart, soul, and body are involved instead of being cut off, it is momentous. Your friends are reacting to the momentous whole.

Your friends are gossiping. The best thing you can do is to ignore it and move on. You now have some insight into the importance that your friends attach to sex outside of committed relationship. You broke the norm. You are going to have to work a bit to regain your footing with your friends. 

Both you and the young man used each other. Because of the intimacy involved, your relationship, although it may not ever go forward, cannot go backwards. It is forever changed.

This is all about your moral perspective, how you value yourself and others, and how you want to treat others and be treated in the future. Given your experience and your friends' reactions you will need to decide whether you want to link your heart emotions and your sexuality together in your life or keep them split apart.

Your adult daughter has decided to marry her boyfriend with the support of his family. I am assuming you are against this marriage and that she knows it.

She is an adult and your daughter, and you have told her your opinion. She has chosen to ignore it, so, it is time for you to mend fences and realize that you are probably going to gain a son-in-law.

It is the time for you to detach your emotions from the situation. Treat everyone with politeness and warmth. Your relationship with your future grandchildren is at stake.

When one acts honorably, one receives respect.

This is an adult matter and the principal is ultimately responsible for the staff and students. That's why he gets the most pay and the reserved parking space. 

You may also want to talk with them about making sure you are safe too. Thugs sometimes become upset if their plans are mucked up. Take care now

I know it is probably of little comfort to you but according to Dear Mr. Web, all the other less hairy guys are jealous of you. Don’t shave, it will make matters much worse. If you are self-conscious, find a shirt you can wear around the pool and slip off quickly before going into the water. Don’t wear a necklace that would call attention to your chest.

Moreover, realize that many, many women are very, very attracted to men with a lot of body hair. To some women it is a sign of virility.

At your age, most people don’t feel like anyone likes them. You seem to feel things strongly; "hate" is a strong word. Maybe it is time you stopped focusing on yourself and what you like and don’t like and start focusing on others. Use that passion of yours to help others. It will form your character in a more pleasing way and will give you a better focus.  It will, in the long run, attract you friends with the kind of depth of character you want.

The best way I know to get out of your shell, start having a life, and develop a self worth having is to volunteer. And I don’t mean for trendy physical ailment of the week. 

I mean rolling up your sleeves and working in a foster home, teaching people to read, read to the ill at local nursing homes, work in the pediatric ward of a local hospital. Something with some grit and depth to it that will use the kind of passion I sense from your letter. It works; I vouch for it. School guidance counselors sometimes can help you get started. So, can some hospitals and many volunteer organizations.

Ah, the older man! I remember being 15 and having a crush on an older man. That's what we called it back then, a crush. 

Twenty is way too old for fifteen. However, twenty-five isn’t too old for twenty, in my opinion. 

Do you have a mother or father that you can talk to about this attraction? If not perhaps a woman from your church could partner with you.  She would give you the accountability and guidance you need to maintain your grace and integrity, as well as understand your emotions about this young man.

A mature twenty year old man with his head screwed on straight and his heart in the right place will back away immediately from a relationship with a fifteen year old girl. He would put her best interest first, which would be to allow her to mature without the heavy burdens a relationship with him. 

This relationship would be inappropriate and in some states could lead to time in prison for him. You should back away too.

If you want to go to the prom, ask one of your guy friends whether he would go with you? If you have good guy friends, I am sure that one of them would be delighted. It would take the pressure off both of you to try to link romantically with someone but keep you involved with your friends’ activities.

This is particularly true of some young men. Your mom is doing all the right things by pulling him into the family, and holding on tight to him. It sounds like she is a great and caring mom. You are lucky guys. 

I don’t think she will lose him. I think she will eventually not have the young boy, but instead, will have a trustworthy, strong, young man. Moreover, their relationship will be different, but equally important.

Leave him in the dust. If someone told me he never said he wanted to go out with me, I would take it as "No". I would find someplace else for my interests. It is important to listen to what people say and how it relates to you.

Dear Mrs Web wants to assure you that it is out of your hands and you will do just fine, whatever happens.

  When I am stressed over something I have no control over, I make sure I treat myself well. I also do relaxation exercises and play calming music. I get rid of television and anything blaring and jangling. Long hot soaks in the tub, my favorite books and movies, a favorite food as a treat, and lots of exercise, I usually walk three miles a day but I will increase it to five during extremely stressful times. I take all the other stress I can away, such as extraneous appointments, or other worries. I do my best to cooperate with my family and avoid the people I find difficult to cope with in my life.

The other thing you need to realize is that is nothing in a college rejection that can really hurt you. You may be disappointed, but when one path closes other paths open. You have nothing to fear.

Not with Dear Mrs. Web’s help, you... bounder, you...! Dear Mrs Web does not believe for one moment that having uncommitted sex is good for this poor girl (or you). Of course, she will be hurt, and so will you, on one level or another. Uncommitted emotional and physical relationships have made her rightfully fearful. Dear Mrs Web supports courtship as an option for men and women. An increasing number of thoughtful dating aged singles are becoming involved. Look in my bookshelf for more information.