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Dating Columns Archives

 

 

August 2- August 19, 2002

 

Time Limit?

Boyfriend's Friend

and

Camp Counselor

 

Dear Mrs. Web,
 

My girlfriend says I need to put a time limit on waiting for my boyfriend to propose to me. She says I should not let my boyfriend know about the time limit. We have been together for 5 years. I think our relationship is very strong


I eventually would like to marry him, though. We have talked a little about marriage, and he says he does plan to marry me. I am not sure how I would approach this time limit. Any suggestions?

I don't agree with a time limit. Sounds like a countdown. You have been together for about 5 years and if you both arenít ready to marry each other by now, then you should free each other.

In your shoes, I would be straightforward: "We have gone out for five years and I want to be in a committed relationship for I have hopes and plans for my future. I need to either set a date to be married or cut loose. I want you to think about this and get back to me within the next week." Your wedding should be within 6-8 months.

 

If he decides to cut loose, really cut him loose. Do not take his telephone calls. Let him suffer without you in his life at all.  Some men and women really need a nudge out of the comfort zone.  I would nudge him a good one!

 

There is a great relationship book on my website bookshelf called Getting the Love You Want.

 


 

Dear Mrs. Web,


I do not like a man who is a good friend of my boyfriend. If I was not dating my boyfriend, then I would have absolutely no contact with this person. I used to keep a list of all the stupid things this man has done. I gave up, he is such a fool. My boyfriend believes I should repair my relationship with this man, and I am having a hard time doing this. I am civil towards him, but that is all.

 

This man has apologized for some of his mistakes but he hasn't proved he wants a friendship or deserves my friendship. In all honesty, the less I have to do with him the better. My boyfriendís request is that I make amends, and I am finding this very difficult. Any suggestions?


It sounds like you donít want one of your boyfriendís friends in your life. You are not married so you really have no need to have this man in your life. Tell your boyfriend you would rather avoid seeing this man.

 

You know, giving someone a bit of grace, says more about you than it ever would say about the one who needs it.

 

 


 

Dear Mrs. Web,

I have a question that I need help with. I am a camp counselor at a summer camp. I have a crush on the director. We had worked together as counselors last year and now she is Camp Director. We are both single and she is a couple years older than me.

Here is my situation, do I ask her out on a date, counting on her having some interest in me. Or do I ask her, risk her saying "No" and have the remaining weeks of camp be weird and probably uncomfortable. We have a good relationship as friends while at the camp and I am unsure whether we have just friendly chatter or whether it is more.

No donít ask her out on a date, it would be awkward. Instead, spend time with her and grab coffee together and spend some more time with her.

Watch her and see whether she seeks you out and pays a fair amount of attention to you or whether you are mostly trailing her. A woman who are interested in a man will let her interest show by how she pays attention to him.

 

 

 

 

 

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