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Dating Columns Archives
Unaffectionate Man, How to Hold Hands, and Suicidal Ex-Boyfriend
Dear Mrs. Web,
My boyfriend very rarely kisses or cuddles me, except hello and goodbye. When I bring the topic up, he says that he does what he feels like doing, and, when I mention the lack it makes him feel that he has to do it on demand. He said that if I want him to be more demonstrative, then I have to work towards that goal. He says that I should consider what it would take for me to entice him into kissing me.
I think that kissing and cuddling are natural for two people in love. I feel that my boyfriend is not sufficiently attracted to me. Why is he like this and what should I do?
I think you have a man who equates kissing and cuddling with sex. There are men like that. They are not demonstrative in any way. It sounds like he is not taking any responsibility to change to meet one of your needs, but is instead placing all the responsibility on you. Is that what you want??
You need to decide what you can live with if he cannot or will not change.
Dear Mrs. Web,
How do you hold hands? Does the girls thumb go under the males thumb?
What a refreshing letter!
Your thumbs go where they are most comfortable for both of you.
Thank you, Dear Mr. Web, for letting me borrow your thumbs while I experimented.
Dear Mrs. Web,
He does not understand why we broke up and thinks there is another guy or that I am not interested in guys. I saw him at the store the other day when I was with friends and he just turned and left. I just want to be his friend.
What if he messes his life up or does something stupid because of me? I asked him one day if he would ever hurt himself after we broke up and he said probably if nothing was going right in his life. Sometimes I wish that I had never gone out with him. But this is just another thing in life to learn from, right?
You are not responsible for this young man’s future. Only he has control over his reaction to your breakup. You need to have have your parents alert his family and the authorities if he threatens to hurt himself or you.
If you are breaking up with him you cannot remain friends, you need to release him.
This problem is the result of indiscriminate dating. Dear Mrs Web believes that one should not date until one is ready for marriage.
Decisive Woman, Fantasy Man, Takeover, Early Marriage, and Internet Love
Dear Mrs. Web,
My brother and she had an accidental sexual connection once and since then, they both have disliked each other. If I marry her I am afraid that I would be ending my relationship with my brother. The rest of my family doesn’t like her much either. They think she is a big flirt. I would appreciate your guidance.
I think you will have to think twice about marrying this girl. Opposites do attract, but people with similar tastes, values and worldviews usually work out better.
If this girl is going to alienate you from your family, I am not sure that marrying her is a good idea. If family is important to you, you will always be shoveling sand against the tide. Visit my Issues to Explore with Your Beloved and see if you have the kind of compatibility that can row a boat in the same direction.
Dear Mrs. Web,
Please help me with my problem. I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years. The breakup was good thing.
However, I really want to sleep with her mother. I know her mother and stepfather rarely have sex and that her mother is sexually frustrated. I also know that she would often ask my ex-girlfriend details about our sex life. I don't want a relationship her, I just really want to sleep with her and fulfill this fantasy. The problem is, I have no idea what I should do. Please help.
You should walk away from this fantasy as fast as you can. You are treading into areas of pseudo-incest and grave error. You will be sadly used by these women. They are, as mother and daughter, are already inappropriately in each other’s sex life. You will also cause a great disruption between them, and if they both turn on you, watch out. You will regret it if you proceed.
Have you thought of finding a nice woman, getting married and settling down? Home of your own? Picket fence? Babies? Stay in the light, guy; don’t flirt with the edgy. Most people fall off the edge when they dance there. Dear Mrs Web knows.
Dear Mrs. Web,
I have been dating this girl for two years. She moved into my house 8 months ago. I am 27, and she is 21. Everything has been great.
However, she has a very close relationship with her mom. They talk on the telephone an average of five times a day, and her mom sleeps over at our house at least four times a month, sometimes for an entire weekend. Mom lives about an hour away, and expects to be able to come in town, and stay without asking permission, and with little warning. She is usually drags along her husband, and their dog and cat. If I am not happy about their arrival, my girlfriend starts an argument.
We live in a two-bedroom townhouse, and we don't have a ton of room. Whenever I try to discuss this with her, I end up looking like the bad guy. I don't know what my next step should be. Can you give me some advice?
This is your future; you need to decide whether this is what you want for a life.
It sounds like your roommate is involved in her family and that you are an add-on feature.
Dear Mrs. Web,
At 18 how long can a relationship last between two ambitious young
people? We both want to further our education and we both want good
careers. However, we have years of education that will take us to
separate states. I know that young relationships don't usually last.
What are our chances? Could it last? Is it possible to stay together
through college? Would it be wrong to follow him? Please help!
If you both do not have the forever commitment of marriage, there would be no real reason to change your life plans for each other. So, don’t bother. Never change your life for someone without the commitment of marriage.
Dear Mrs. Web,
Do you think it's stupid to be in love with a person over the Internet? The local guys are jerks.
I've met this guy online and we've been talking for quite some time. I've never ever met anyone I could trust as much. I would like to continue our relationship and make it grow. But I am afraid that people are going to think I am weird.
He says he loves me a lot. He helps me with my problems and makes me feel special. I really do think he loves me. He hasn't lied to me, I just know he hasn't and he really wants to meet me and I love him so very much. What should I do?
I don’t think that the word I would use would be "stupid." "Deluded" perhaps, or "lonely," but not necessarily "stupid."
You do not know this man, you just know who he says he is. He could be someone totally different. There is no real connection here yet. What you love is not real. Your judgment is blinded, so you need to make sure that someone who loves you, parents, friends, or church friends are involved in your meeting and getting to know this man in person.
The bad thing that has happened in this relationship is that your heart is opened to someone who is not real. Therefore, you could be badly hurt, emotionally or even physically.
Usually a man and woman meet within context of friends and family. You both have bypassed this. So, if you are going to get together, have him come stay with a friend or family member for a week or two and get to know him better. Then go stay with his family or friend’s for a week or two. Perhaps it would be safer if you brought a friend or brother with you for your visit. Meet his family and friends and get a good picture of this man.
Dear Mrs Web, Every time a young man I am attracted to says or does
something nice to me, I fall head over heels in love with them, I have
no idea why, and this happens all the time.
Dear Mrs. Web, I am not sure that your love is forbidden. I would
check with a local lawyer but I think the incest laws do not extend to
3rd cousins. Check this out first before buying the rings. Another place
that might know is the marriage licensing office. Dear Mrs. Web:
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