I think married couples who have young children should be able to enjoy a shower together if they are discreet.

If you have spent any time visiting Dear Mrs Web, you will realize that she does not approve of premarital co-ed showering. After the wedding however… 

The "Dear Webs" is a mixed-race family. For us, crossing color lines has not been a big step. However, one of the things we have learned about crossing lines is that not everyone can do it.

I don’t think the main issue here is whether you should keep your relationship a secret from your parents. I do believe you should be honest about your relationships. 

Nevertheless, I also think that you need to evaluate how much you are willing to lose over this relationship. Is the alienation of your parents worth the relationship? Is it worth putting your family through this difficulty? For some people it is worth it, for others it is not. Your beloved will also need to evaluate and make these same choices. Many black families and communities are less than thrilled when their children marry outside their race

Family is important. You will want grandparents for your babies as well as the sense of place and belonging your own family provides. You are at an age where you are feeling distant from your family. This is normal for young adults, but over time, you will want to reconnect.

No parent is thrilled when he or she hears that a beloved child is planning to play house with a member of the opposite sex. Black, white, yellow or purple, no parent wants his or her child to be in an uncommitted relationship. I would never make this step in a family relationship without having a firm marriage commitment from your beloved. Ring and date kind of commitment. One does not blow up one’s family over "playing house."  I think you need to be honest with your family, but I think you also need to truthfully and honestly look at the world you are jumping into and the world you are leaving behind. 

Mixed race relationships require their own kind of work and have their own kind of baggage. Biracial children have a foot in both worlds and that can be both a positive and a negative. Those of us who live on the color line learn that life offers some additional options and closes other doors. There are places you will not be able to live; as well as people who won't associate with you. In some areas of the country mixed families are facts of life and in others they are a novelty, at best.

I am not trying to dissuade you from continuing your relationship with this young man. I am just trying to open this subject further. I am not a "love conquers all" kind of Dear Mrs. Web. Love is a good beginning, but commitment, values, family connections and friendships are what makes marriages work over the long haul.

All said, the world is changing very rapidly and interracial marriages are becoming much more common. As a culture we have come a long way in the past 30 years. On a more personal note, my family and marriage is the best and most precious thing that has ever happened to me – the whole mix of us – and I thank God every day for it.

I know it is probably of little comfort to you but according to Dear Mr. Web, all the other less hairy guys are jealous of you. Don’t shave, it will make matters much worse. If you are self-conscious, find a shirt you can wear around the pool and slip off quickly before going into the water. Don’t wear a necklace that would call attention to your chest.

Moreover, realize that many, many women are very, very attracted to men with a lot of body hair. To some women it is a sign of virility.

There is an old saying: "Never marry anyone crazier than you." 

You are considering a lifelong commitment to a secretive, mentally ill man? One who you describe as having severe mood swings, perhaps manic-depression, and has a "split personality?"

What are you thinking of woman? What kind of life do you think this man will provide for you and your future children? I had a mentally ill family member. Mental illness is a severe disability and to become involved with a mentally ill person and hope that he will "get better" is like expecting an amputee to re-grow legs.

It isn’t going to happen, and in my experience, severe mental illness often grows worse over time.  I understand you are lonely. Do not use loneliness to drive you to make poor choices that will effect the rest of your life. It is not fair to you, your family, or your future children.

Slow down a bit, guy. Women do not like expensive gifts, no matter how the terms are couched, when they are not or don’t want to be in relationship. Women perceive it as a form of pressure. Listen to her. Continue to grow your friendship. Check my website for Issues to Discuss with the Beloved so you can deepen your friendship and emotional intimacy.

Dear Mrs Web is happy she could help. Take care of yourself and your little one.

Dear Mrs Web needs many more visits and hits at her site as well as more newspapers to publish her column. Please let people in your area know about Dear Mrs Web .com

I understand your concern and pain. Three years is a long time. I don’t know whether you can restart your relationship with your girlfriend. I would ask her whether she would meet with you for dinner and talk it over. Tell her that three years is a long time to toss aside.

I will be frank, it sounds like her heart is in another place and usually when a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship breaks up like this it is rare for them to re-establish. There is no true commitment in a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship, no matter what privately agreement for fidelity or commitment that your both may have developed.

This is the major difference between marriage and non-marital relationships. Marriage commitment is held together with the commitment of the two people and the commitment of the community, law, children, family, and friends. It is more than I love you and want to be with you forever, because that part disappears in normal relationships and sometimes it is only the outside forces that continue to hold the marriage commitment in place during the tough patches that all relationships endure.

Therefore, my short answer is you can reach out to her, but don’t be surprised if it doesn’t work. Instead, you might consider taking care of yourself and learn from a relationship better ways of providing the commitment you want. I advise courtship as a way of stepping towards commitment. I think it offers a better alternative to the consecutive, emotionally destructive heart and body relationships that some people almost take for granted today.

I would hate to be the one to break my friend’s heart. I think an anonymous letter would be much more painful than having loving friend break the news gently and with concern. Besides one shouldn’t ever give credence to anonymous sources. They could be the work of spite or malice.

Let Dear Mrs. Web assure you that there are no knights in shining armor on white chargers to save you from yourself.

You both sound like you are two sides of the same coin: uncommitted and afraid to change things. Sounds like you have both danced the same waltz for a long time. You have had no limits and no boundaries on this relationship, what you expect from it and what you will accept from it. Your "no boundaries" existence continues in your inability to leave it.

To tell you the truth your letter reads like a complaint session about him and truthfully I think you should be looking at your paralysis, your enabling, and your complaining and see what these behaviors have gotten you in your relationship. You talk about beginning new relationships with other men but frankly, I can’t see whatever could possibly be different in other relationships because what you bring to a relationship is what needs to be changed for you to be successful in one.

I don’t think you can get your money back. You can ask, but don’t count on it being repaid. It is time to walk away and begin again. You won’t be the first person who lost money lent on an uncommitted relationship...and you won’t be the last either!

If you are living with someone, you consider not good for you just for the sake of some dollars; you need to think about your priorities. Your emotional and physical well-being is worth much more than a thousand dollars. You are young and have many thousands of dollars worth of earning power ahead of you, but you only have one heart.

Is it normal to be with one and check out the equipment and features of other models? Only if we are talking about cars …and …ok…boats.

If your beloved is obviously evaluating the scenery for its topographical interest, and the scenery happens to be other women, he is being enormously rude. When you tell him you object and he single-mindedly continues, he is a boor. What are you doing spending your life on a boor?

He is the baby’s father. He will be in your life for the rest of your days. But he does not have to be a off again –on again romantic fixture in your life. Since he hasn’t changed, there is no reason to have this man back as a life-mate.

There is a kind of man who really don’t want to be connected to a woman, but don’t like the thought of anyone else connecting with her. They consider women something akin to property. They tend to show action when the woman strikes out on her own. However, they have no ability to maintain a relationship.

In your shoes, I would end the relationship. Be careful, some men who treat women like property become violent when crossed. You may need restraining orders and a safe place to stay if he starts acting out.

You will hurt her. Emotions by definition and nature can hurt us. That is why we need to treat our own emotions and the emotions of others tenderly and with respect.

Dear Mrs. Web says: "If you keep doing something and it doesn’t get you what you want, it is time to stop."

It sounds like you go out every week, get drunk, and play no-strings kissy-face with a man who is happy to do the same. Kissy-face leads to sex. Everyone knows that. It works by increments. He already has you in bed; the sex is just a matter of time.

In your shoes, I would stop this silly situation and see whether the man is actually interested in the kissy-face or me. I would find some other place to go on Saturday night. 

I also would make some decisions about what kind of relationship I want to have with him and the commitments I would need to sleep with him – because that is the direction you are heading.

Not as far as Dear Mrs. Web is concerned. I have noticed a number of bald men as well as a few balding ones receiving quite a bit of female attention. Bald men will never be out of style in my book. It is a classic look. There is something about high foreheads… 

You can’t get him to come back or be a part of his daughter’s life. These are choices he makes that reflect his character (or lack of it) and moral center. This is the man you chose to be the father of your little one.

There is a difference between love and worship. Love is place where as adults we give and get in relationship. There is a commitment to each other and the marriage which supersedes all other desires and commitments. Worship, on the other hand, is a place where we give our hearts over to someone unconditionally, no matter what they do or how they behave. Women often sacrifice their integrity, their children, and their self-respect when they worship a man.

I have no idea why you would want this man in your life. He will introduce emotional mayhem, pain, and possibly even disease into your lives. He is an uncommitted cat-about. Don’t waste your time. Find your self-respect and look for a decent, committed kind of guy.

You cannot stop someone from being nasty. However, you can set limits on the behavior. This is, however, a job for your beloved. If you read my marriage archives you will see that I advocate that each member of the couple deal with the difficulties of their families directly and shield their beloved from it.

Limit setting begins by acknowledging that your don’t agree, then placing the issue off limits to discussion. This can be done kindly and all the while reaffirming the relationship, love and caring. How you’re future father-in-law responds is his issue and responsibility. He can behave himself and continue to talk to you or be nasty and hear a polite, "Sorry Dad, have to go!"

You are most likely pushing his emotional buttons on this subject. Give him some room to reevaluate his behavior and his relationship with you both. Don’t become too worked up, most people get stuck in their silliness a while but eventually break free. Since you are getting married, you both should look at my page called Topics to discuss before Marriage.