Is it normal to be with one and check out the equipment and features of other models? Only if we are talking about cars …and …ok…boats.

If your beloved is obviously evaluating the scenery for its topographical interest, and the scenery happens to be other women, he is being enormously rude. When you tell him you object and he single-mindedly continues, he is a boor. What are you doing spending time with a boor?

When one acts honorably, one receives respect.

He is the baby’s father. He will be in your life for the rest of your days. But he does not have to be a off again –on again romantic fixture in your life. Since he hasn’t changed, there is no reason to have this man back as a life-mate.

There is a kind of man who really don’t want to be connected to a woman, but don’t like the thought of anyone else connecting with her. They consider women something akin to property. They tend to show action when the woman strikes out on her own. However, they have no ability to maintain a relationship.

In your shoes, I would end the relationship. Be careful, some men who treat women like property become violent when crossed. You may need restraining orders and a safe place to stay if he starts acting out.

You will hurt her. Emotions by definition and nature can hurt us. That is why we need to treat our own emotions and the emotions of others tenderly and with respect.

Dear Mrs. Web says: "If you keep doing something and it doesn’t get you what you want, it is time to stop."

It sounds like you go out every week, get drunk, and play no-strings kissy-face with a man who is happy to do the same. Kissy-face leads to sex. Everyone knows that. It works by increments. He already has you in bed; the sex is just a matter of time.

In your shoes, I would stop this silly situation and see whether the man is actually interested in the kissy-face or me. I would find some other place to go on Saturday night. 

I also would make some decisions about what kind of relationship I want to have with him and the commitments I would need to sleep with him – because that is the direction you are heading.

Not as far as Dear Mrs. Web is concerned. I have noticed a number of bald men as well as a few balding ones receiving quite a bit of female attention. Bald men will never be out of style in my book. It is a classic look. There is something about high foreheads…

You can’t get him to come back or be a part of his daughter’s life. These are choices he makes that reflect his character (or lack of it) and moral center. This is the man you chose to be the father of your little one.

There is a difference between love and worship. Love is place where as adults we give and get in relationship. There is a commitment to each other and the marriage which supersedes all other desires and commitments. Worship, on the other hand, is a place where we give our hearts over to someone unconditionally, no matter what they do or how they behave. Women often sacrifice their integrity, their children, and their self-respect when they worship a man.

I have no idea why you would want this man in your life. He will introduce emotional mayhem, pain, and possibly even disease into your lives. He is an uncommitted cat-about. Don’t waste your time. Find your self-respect and look for a decent, committed kind of guy.

Dear Mrs. Web thinks that the husband of your wife’s sister is your brother-in-law; unless you prefer to think of him as your sister-in-law’s husband. There are some people we would rather not claim as relatives!

I think you need to call your local city hall or town office and find out what the local regulations are. Perhaps the zoning or pet licensing office would help. My impression is that on private property it is your call as long as you are not creating a health hazard. I imagine that would depend on the size and digestive systems of your dogs.

You cannot stop someone from being nasty. However, you can set limits on the behavior. This is, however, a job for your beloved. If you read my marriage archives you will see that I advocate that each member of the couple deal with the difficulties of their families directly and shield their beloved from it.

Limit setting begins by acknowledging that your don’t agree, then placing the issue off limits to discussion. This can be done kindly and all the while reaffirming the relationship, love and caring.

How your future father-in-law responds is his issue and responsibility. He can behave himself and continue to talk to you or be nasty and hear a polite, "Sorry Dad, have to go!" You are most likely pushing his emotional buttons on this subject. Give him some room to reevaluate his behavior and his relationship with you both. Don’t become too worked up, most people get stuck in their silliness a while but eventually break free.

There are different kinds of clamming up. There is no reason as an introvert to have people come away with the impression that you are snobbish. You need to learn about the cues you are projecting and how to change them to your advantage. Do you have a good friend or sibling who would be brutally honest with you about how you project yourself? Someone who can watch you with a group and then debrief you?

I have had more shy people tell me that they have found that old chestnut of a book by Dale Carnegie: How to Win Friends and Influence People very helpful for overcoming shyness and learning people skills. 

Others have told me the various Dale Carnegie courses have been very helpful. I have read the book but have never taken any of the courses. I have no personal interest in the program but pass this nugget of information along for your information.

Dears Mrs Web would suggest that instead of giving your school money to the casino owners in Las Vegas you just mail it directly to me.

I can’t help you here. Feeding slot machines my hard-earned money just doesn’t do it for me. I would rather buy income property, or play the market.  Now there’s some risk and challenge! 

That said, it is your money and you had better come up with a plan you can fulfill that will satisfy both your parents. Overall however, I am rooting for your parents.

I would listen to the man, he said he was happy. He is acting happy, and he is just making sure everything is ok. Many people don’t announce a pregnancy until the fourth or fifth month.  Negotiate who gets told now, a few close relatives, and  friends seem appropriate.

You are married and pregnant, mood swings are part of the package.

My dear, I know you are heartbroken. It is so hard to close your heart and mind when you had been open to someone. Sometimes the loneliness is overwhelming. Do you have a girlfriend or family member who can support you emotionally during this fragile time? Call them now and get connected. The future you had planned has shattered. Although it doesn’t feel like it, this is the luckiest day of your life.

For if you had married this man who leaves scars, the beatings would have become more frequent and worse. Men and women are on their best behavior before the wedding; they deteriorate dramatically after the wedding.

Your future children would have been raised seeing their father punching and hitting their mother. If they were even more unfortunate, he would beat them too. You would have had hospitalizations and even violent death in your future.

I think you need to contact the nearest battered women’s shelter or big church and find someone with experience with battered women. You need to talk to someone who can help you straighten our your thinking. There is a great book with a difficult title called 10 Stupid Things Women Do. It is on my web site bookshelf.   I recommend it as a first step to changing your thinking about what you will accept for behavior from any man, especially a beloved.

This man will be back sniffing around. Men don’t often find willing, compliant, punching bags and they will be come back to dish out more of their love/hate mix. You will need to learn not to fall for this again. I don’t want you to be emailing me from a rehab hospital in seven years to ask me how to put your life back together after he beat you and hurt your children too. I get enough of those letters already. Be strong!

Do men have a natural tendency for selfishness? My experience is that many humans have a natural tendency for selfishness. Some are male and some are female. 

When I hear of women discussing or ranting about "selfish men," I think of men who have worked in the most dangerous, stultifying, jobs in the world to put bread on the table for their family. The mill workers, the steelworkers, the office workers, the construction workers, deep-sea divers and all those men who laid the railroads, or cleared hundreds of acres of land for farms. No, I don’t think men are particularly selfish.

On the other hand, I think many women and some men sometimes have difficulty with boundaries. You should do things for your beloved because you want to or because you both agree. If you don’t want to, you negotiate. 

Men and women can be generous of heart or have a lack of boundaries. A truly giving man or woman does so because she or her wishes to give the beloved a gift from the self.

By the way, Dear Mr. Web is a much more generous and giving person than Dear Mrs. Web could ever hope to be.

You have married an "addict" with another commitment greater than his marriage vows. I don’t exactly know why you thought his behavior would change after marriage, generally people are their best before the marriage and their less attractive points emerge after the vows. People don’t stop what they normally do just because they are married.

The Internet is a fascinating medium and computers, games and chat rooms as well as on-line relationships are easy substitutes for real life for some people. It’s TV only better.

Is he involved in pornography? Many Internet jockeys are.  Most men who are involved in Internet pornography find it a more compelling attraction than a live, willing, loving woman does. They much rather have solitary sex with the images on their screen. These men are in a place where fantasy is real and they have little use for the messiness of real people and relationships. They are lost in cyberspace.

As a married woman, you have the right to negotiate not half but all his free time. Married people have those sorts of rights with each other. There are no free agents in a marriage. Your husband is so deep in his self-centeredness and "addictive" behaviors that he is not functioning as a normal, giving, present, human should.

This man refuses compromise and refuses to seek counseling. You don’t have many choices. You can continue to live with this self-centered and sick behavior and have a marriage with what is essentially a non-person, much in the same way as an alcoholic is not present in a marriage.

Alternatively, you can act on your own. I would contact the Center for On-line Addictions. I would also find a recommended addictions and if needed pornography counselor. Ask around. Your minister, priest, or rabbi may have this information available. Counseling offices and minister waiting rooms are bulging these days with On-line "addicts" and Internet pornography users and the marriages that are ruined by them. 

You are going to have to come to some decision whether you want to continue the farce you are calling a marriage.

Get some local help; visit the Internet addiction sites. Keep in touch. I wish you the best; you are in an extremely difficult situation. I am sorry. I know it is hard.

Best,