When I was young, fake ids were the purview of the local mobsters. To me the definition of a mobster is a dumb lunk who shakes down people, moves drugs, runs prostitutes, and is involved in counterfeiting. This is counterfeiting. It is illegal and a felony.

Frankly, if I were a young man, I wouldn’t want to spend five minutes in jail. The last person I knew who was booked on misdemeanor possession and felony drug sales had a very rough time of it from the other inmates while being held for bail.

This little fiasco could take your whole life off track. Exactly what kind of woman would marry a man with a record? Moreover, what would you say to your family? Your future children?

Choosing to do something like this stains you. Even if you get away with it, you are stained. You are operating at a lower level. 

You probably can tell Dear Mrs. Web does not think this is a particularly good idea.

Invest instead. I recommend you read Rich Dad Poor Dad, for ideas about legal ways to invest and become financially comfortable.

He stopped saying, "tall women are best" because he realize it offended you. He made an aesthetic comment about the couple in the movie and you parroted his old remark back as a zinger.

Moreover, you got into an argument.

In your shoes, I probably would have asked him why he would have cast a taller woman – and listened with out attacking him. This was his opinion. We are all entitled to our opinions. You don’t have to agree with it but you are expected to listen, politely.

Self worth is the internal ballast that grounds us when we are unsure of where we stand. Self worth tells us we are valuable, worthwhile, and lovable. Even when we feel threatened by someone’s words. Self worth helps us to stop measuring ourselves on other people’s yardsticks and lets us stand firmly in our own skins. Self worth allows us to want to become better people because we wish to improve, not because we want to meet someone else’s expectations.

He may have dated tall women in the past, but you’re the one who has him. You must have a lot more going for you than being tall.

Let’s look at the facts:

Your in-laws don’t give you what you want

Your husband is in the middle.

Your marriage is sliding to a divorce because of the above.

In-laws can bless or curse a marriage. First, you both need to re-commit to each other and the marriage.  This is a top priority in any marriage. Then, (with the help if needed) put together a plan of how much and how often and to what degree you will both permit these in-laws into your marriage. Work on it together.  Write it out. List the holidays you will spend with them.  List out what kind of behavior your marriage will accept and what behavior your marriage will not tolerate from your in-laws. 

I think your marriage needs boundaries. You both need to work together to find them. Your marriage comes first, always.

Next, it would be time for your husband to deal with his folks. They are his parents and his responsibility. Support him about his good choices and successes and accept his failures or difficulties. Rome wasn’t built in a day! Finding a voice to cope with demanding and controlling parents takes time. I recommend the book How to Hug a Porcupine for families in your situation.

Your husband should be clear with his parents that he will not tolerate any insults or slurs about his wife. He must make them understand that if it is between wife and parents,  he will always choose his wife. That is the first and best way a man polices his family’s borders.

It is time for you to detach and stop comparing the way they treat you or your family to others. Your aren’t a favorite. You know that. Why continue to drive the nails into your head. You don’t need to torture yourself by reacting and fussing about their poor treatment of you. It is a given.  Let it go.  Then any positive behavior from them with be an unexpected gift.

Instead, develop polite detachment. The kind of politeness that doesn’t react to the slurs and jabs but points out its inappropriateness ("My, that was a painful and cruel thing to say!") and changes the subject. 

The kind of politeness that leaves if people get difficult. The kind of politeness that uses strengths and planning  to leave when situations are too uncomfortable and has several ready-made excuses. The detachment that always protects and defends the couple, and their children. A detachment that can be respectful, polite and kind, and when needed - distant. A detachment that will eventually help you laugh, however ruefully at their predictable, silly, controlling antics.

Your mother seems to be a tad on the impulsive side.

I am under the impression that children older than age 14 or so are able to choose their custodial parent or at least have considerable input. Sometimes a parent isn’t appropriate for a child, no matter what the child wants, but most often, the courts weigh the child’s wishes in with the decision.

Now if your parents have joint custody, did your dad petition the courts for physical custody when you moved in? I would try to find out who has legal physical custody. You may want to talk to a legal aid office in your town or to one of the school guidance counselors. Perhaps they would be able to direct you to a resource in your community.

You sound like you are lonely and not doing well. Now you are looking at three schools in three years, that is a lot of change. Is there another way you can have your mother’s attention and company without so much uprooting? Could you be with her most of the weekends and all vacations? Do you talk on the telephone a lot together? Would she move closer so you can still stay in the same school? It sounds like you actually need both your parents. Is there a way you can get them together for a breakfast and talk to them about creative ways you could all come up with so you can have your mother’s comfort and your father’s grounded security?

Yes, I do understand what you mean by too close. When I think of people who are too close, it is like they are joined at the hip. They are so enmeshed emotionally that they need to be in each other’s lives all the time and to connect constantly.

Part of growing well in a relationship is the ability to develop all parts of you with the relationship. When you are secure in love you can move away from each other and develop interests, goals, talents, and skills. You help each other reach goals. You plan for the "us."

You might be able to move into a courtship model of being together. I have books about courtship at my website. This would ask you to be together more in a group and with family. It takes the relationship out of "away from everybody and just us" and puts it in the everydayness of life. Perhaps you should look into it a bit further. It also might be a good way to open the topic with your girlfriend. Give her a copy to read and talk about it together. You will find them on my bookshelf under the Dating and Courtship section.

I cannot tell you when your marriage is over. I have some interesting letters in my Marriage Archives and in my Daily Archives  (begin at December 1 and work backwards, many of these letters have not been archived by subject yet) that you might find helpful.  

One thought that occurred to me when I read your letter is that for 20 years you have made certain demands on this guy and for 20 years you haven’t gotten anywhere.

Hysterical or cold- shoulder two-week fights are no way to have a marriage. You are emotionally and physically holding out until he apologizes. Yuck! Is this any way to treat each other? You both sound too stiff-necked and proud to beg each other’s forgiveness. You need to realize that in most marital arguments your spouse’s well being and needs come before your wants. Moreover, that most marriage arguments are about power and control.

Mrs Web wonders why you don’t do it differently? For example when you are disturbed about something instead of confronting him with your anger and demanding a response, why don’t you do something else that he can do?? Instead of being "mad" why don’t you look at other more pro-active ways to change things in your home besides anger? He is refusing to be controlled by your anger. I don’t blame him. I would too. In your shoes, I would go into counseling to discover a different way to be within the marriage. Good marriage counseling is not a matter of luck, but hard work. It requires a commitment to change.

It is not a wrestling match when you stop wrestling. I think before you ditch this great guy, that you owe up to your responsibility for the problems in your marriage (I would say the same thing to him if he were writing me.), and work on changing yourself. It sounds like you both are 100% responsible for the marital disharmony.

  Marriage counseling only works when at least one member of the couple takes responsibility for his or her behavior. If you don’t change your reactions and behaviors, it would be just as futile to end your marriage and look for another relationship because you will just repeat these battles in a different way.

Check my bookshelf for very effective marriage and relationship books.