Try "I am really flattered that you asked me, but I am afraid I won’t be going out with you. It doesn’t work for me. Goodbye."

There are few things less your business than what name your daughter-in-law carries after the wedding. This is a personal decision. You will alienate her, and possibly your son, by announcing your opinion or trying to change their minds. In family life, there are times to bite your tongue – this is one.

This woman is becoming your daughter-by-marriage, and possibly mother to future grandchildren. Don’t get off to a poor start. It will influence how you relate to your son and his family for many years. Be respectful. Choices have been made.

Your future grandchildren do not have to carry her name only. Many couples who keep their own premarital names use the mother’s name as a middle name and the husband’s name as the child’s last name. In addition, your daughters can, if they like, use their maiden names as their children’s last names. Naming children is much more flexible than people realize.

As sad as the loss of your child is, many people feel that unmarried, pregnant sons and daughters are a humiliation for their family. Childbearing and rearing is reserved for the commitment of marriage. Unwed parenthood mostly indicates an inability to control one’s impulses and/or a poor upbringing, despite what the media tells you.

You say your boyfriend’s mother is not sorry. Quite the contrary, I am sure she is very sorry. Sorry she raised such a thoughtless, irresponsible son, and sorry that her grandchild would have been raised, at risk, in unwed mother poverty. No one wants this for any member of the family.

You have nothing with this young man, no commitment, no engagement, no marriage, nothing. You both grievously hurt this woman by your thoughtless behaviors. She said some terrible things about you, and you did some terrible things to her. If you want to begin again, with a better relationship, realize and take responsibility for the pain you have caused, and ask forgiveness.

You need to find a less stressful job, even at less pay. Get out of your field if needed but change your work environment. It is a good market out there and a good time to make a change.

You and your husband need to get on a budget. You both will need to go on allowances and clear up your debts. You are going to have to sort some of these things out with a professional. I recommend a marriage and family counselor. So you know the therapists in your area. It happens all the time in small, isolated, communities and in professional communities. It is a major reason there are confidentiality rules in counseling and therapy. 

When your options are limited - go with the best choice within the limitations. Otherwise you spend emotional energy wishing things were different.

Think this through a bit. Make up a list of the kinds of qualities you find important in a man and what you want to do about him once he is in your life. These are important questions.

He is breaking a boundary about something you feel deeply about. This happens. Do you have more integrity than he does? On this issue, yes.

Although one should care about the opinions of others, it doesn’t have to be the overriding factor in many situations. Your husband has been marching to his own drum for a number of years in your town. I am sure the community is used to him. You seem to want to control his behavior. He is separate from you and is making his own choices.

No one plays a perfect game all the time; in fact, perfect games are boring. Your husband has some faults, we all do. Part of being a loving spouse is to smile and shrug at these times. It is the way we extend them grace.

The way to meet people is to make room in your life for interests and organizations that are meaningful to you. Find things to do that reflect your values and beliefs. My sense is that you have some high standards. Examine them and make sure they aren’t unobtainably high.

If you have a faith, go to church, temple, or mosque. Shop around and become involved in a volunteer organization in your community that reflects your values and has a lot of community participation. Sports, hobbies, classes, and politics, are just a few areas with lots of women. Let people know you are looking. Don’t get lost in solitary pursuits.

Look at the way you present yourself to the world. What do your clothes, grooming and manners say to others. What is your attitude towards others, are you surly? Snide? Sarcastic? Unpleasant? Edgy? Painfully shy? Uncommunicative? Warm? Compassionate? Friendly? Interested? Fun?

Look at what you do, how you behave and dress, and hold yourself. What are you doing to give people the message that you are a lightweight? Do you act like a giggly little girl? Also, there is a difference between a generous nature and a doormat. Example: a generous person opens her wallet to give someone a specific amount of money she chooses. A doormat has her wallet taken away, emptied, and thrown back at her.

Stop being a doormat and set the boundaries. You define how people treat you. You will need to speak to each of these people privately. Take responsibility for your part. Have examples of your behavior and their responses in case they ask. Enlist your mother in law, she is a natural ally, to help you grow more mature and dignified.

They will not immediately stop. You will have to continually, kindly, and clearly point out breeches of your boundaries and correct them. Don’t let things slide or you will be back where you started. With time, and as you acquire more adult characteristics, you will find yourself being accepted as grown up. Growing backbone requires courage and grace. You get it one link at a time as you determine your life.

Actually, it isn’t his room. You are paying the mortgage, heat, lights, electricity, water, taxes, and insurance bills. Legally you have to provide him with three hots and a cot, adequate clothing and access to medical care. Everything else is a privilege.

If your thirteen-year-old son has something in his room you find morally compromising, it goes. You are his parent, and you are to provide him with moral guidance. One very important aspect of this guidance is a firm stand on what you will and won’t accept. No compromising, no negotiating, and no screaming, but instead, kind but firm rules. Now, write me a letter about that naked girlfriend?!!

Yes, you should go golfing with a friend if you like. Even spouses pursue interests separately. I cannot think of one reason to keep this information from your boyfriend. He probably doesn’t even remember your request to golf together.

If there has been an understanding of fidelity in your current relationship, although it lacks commitment, your current boyfriend certainly may end the relationship if you stray. On the other hand, without commitment for the future, what good is being exclusive?

What concerns me more is why are you flitting from one to another? You don’t seem to have a plan for your future in mind. Without a plan you just will get involved willy-nilly and bring nothing to your future. An enormous amount of time and energy goes into new relationships. Make sure it counts.

I assume you stopped sharing your rubber ducky with your brother sometime before puberty. I don’t have any problems with it. Five or six seems to be the cut-off for shared bathing in this culture. Some people have never been …ahem…exposed to the more relaxed attitudes of European bathing customs.

You don’t need to change your company; you need to change your priorities beginning with making yourself a life. A life consists of your family, perhaps a spouse; perhaps children, friends, and several different interests that are don’t replicate what you do at work.

I am going to let you in on a secret. Many people don’t have much to do on the weekend. By not going into work or signing on to the computer, you will leave room to find something else to do, and perhaps someone to do it with. There are also some excellent interest surveys available to help you match up to the things that you would enjoy.

Some private schools will take parent work as a swap for at least partial tuition. Check the private religious schools in your area, and look at your skills.

Art teachers, computer lab managers, classroom teachers, tutors, cleaning help, carpentry work, homemaking skills, library skills, fundraising, and secretarial skills are just some of the gifts that can be bartered for tuition. Remember private schools do not need teaching degrees. In some states, college degrees are not needed either. Be creative.

Every junior high school class in the country must be assigned one of these kids. At my school, it was overbearing Albert with his clammy, moist hands and bad breath. Speak to your parents. Ask them to intervene. Your school guidance counselor is a good second choice. This boy needs to be reeled in to learn some manners!

You can solve this by realizing that Pentecostals and mainline religions are both Christian, honor the same God and use the same book, the Bible. Each denomination may emphasize different issues, but they are all walking in the same general direction. 

You and your husband both will need to tie both your denominations together for the children.  Your will need to develop tolerance and grace towards your husband's denomination.

Exclusivity is the domain of courtship, betrothal, and marriage, so I don’t have any problem with him dating both of you at the same time. People who date are shopping around.

I do have a problem, however, with someone who is not honest about his other interests. If he deliberately misled you, you now have a snapshot into his character. This should be a major factor in choosing and keeping friends. Relationships can downgrade or upgrade depending on a variety of factors; honesty is paramount.

Sounds like you never get what you want. Some people spend their lives never getting what they want. Part of getting what you want consists of being wise about what you pick to want. Reality-based desires are more likely to be filled.

It sounds like your son’s needs and the teacher’s style are not a good match. Are there other classes available? If there are, transfer him to a quieter class. If not, think about homeschooling or private school to get him through the primary years. I have noticed smart mothers network with other parents to find the best classroom and teacher for their children’s needs.

Some homes have a rule if an object is out of place it gets sent down to the basement or garage to a great big trash can which is brought in on Saturday to be emptied. All towels, clothes, toys, remotes, everything. The experience of pulling mildewed damp towels out of a bin that has also held other perhaps even favorite things makes for a rapid conversion to neatness in many a teenager.

For teen bedrooms, I recommend closing the door. Once a week demand used food plates and glasses. Reward a pick up and cleaning once every month to six weeks. Reward the cleaning with a privilege.

I do not know whether your "own" your employment files as one "owns" one’s medical files. For various reasons, I suspect that employment files are the property of the employer, and that this may vary from state to state. If this were the case, your files would have to be subpoenaed to obtain them. I would contact a good employment issues attorney for a free consultation and bring this question.

You both found out how nasty things can get between you. He almost lost complete physical control and you found that you own a cruel and cutting tongue. Filing charges in this circumstance will do nothing to help the marriage. Instead of the police, you both should call on a marriage counselor to help you pick up the pieces and learn how to not let it get to this point again.

There are some things that just aren’t fixable, perhaps it is time to take the focus off them and decide what kind of great life you can have despite this disability. Find other things in common that you can share. 

Moreover, remember this is not about you, it is him. Sex is only five or ten percent of any marriage but when there is a problem it can take up seventy-five percent of the marriage energy. I suggest you also dissipate any anger and energy in daily physical exercise, a good workout every day or two.

I recommend keeping dating relationships out of any possible financial quagmires. No, let her find the money somewhere else.

I don’t really see that you have anything to salvage. You have been married to a felonious, irresponsible, cheating, cruel, childish, blaming, controlling man. What is worse is that he refuses to see his contributions to the problem. Nor is he the least bit repentant. What you have is a bad situation, not a true and functional marriage, and you have been stuck for a very long time.

On the other hand, this is the father of your children. So, like it or not, you will have a lifelong relationship of some sorts with this man. What I don’t hear happen in the relationship is your boundaries – "Straighten out, Bud, or it’s over."

You are asking me, I think, should I stay or should I go? I need to rephrase it to: "When should I leave this relationship, take the children, and find a better situation and negotiating position for my marriage, my children, and my future"? The answer to that is (as long as you and the children are physically safe) when you can afford emotionally to go through the trauma and difficulties of a confrontation and separation. People like your husband who walk all over people and get their needs met at everyone’s expense tend to make separation and divorce harder. They don’t like being left.

You behaved like a cad. One starts and ends an evening out with the same woman, friend or love interest.  Anything less is rude, ninth grade behavior. Forgiveness for such loutishness begins with flowers and a card imploring mercy. Use words like "stupid thing to do", and "thoughtless". Do the right thing.

Although not a distinct developmental stage, aversion to water is seen in many prepubescent children, predominately male (although I distinctly recall several stinky girls). As Hobbes said to Calvin in the comic strip: "Little boys don’t smell so good".

It will end when he is well into puberty and develops the ability to drain the water heater with his continuous showers. Just wait.

The children of strict and demanding parents are sometimes undisciplined and indulgent parents. The opposite is also true: undisciplined, indulged children often grow up to become overly strict and demanding. People tend to either copy their parent’s parenting behavior or become their parent’s opposite number.

The essential issue here is balance. Your wife needs to go beyond overreacting to her parents style to making parental choices bases on the needs of her own children, her own family, and her own present needs. I recommend a round of family counseling to overcome these echoes in your family.

The parents of the children and property being affected by these little terrors should have a cup of coffee together and elect two to meet the with the little darlings’ parents. These two should bring the problems to these parents’ attention. Most parents will reel in children when politely informed.

This is a tough lesson to learn, but you can’t change people. They have to change themselves. Write her a letter and tell her of your concerns and your love, then drop the subject. Loving people despite their faults is a sign of true maturity.

It sounds like you have been standing on your own two feet, and helping others, to boot. I think you need some balance. On one hand, you need to use your gifts of giving and helping, volunteering might fit the bill. On the other hand, you need to learn how to give yourself breathing room just to "be".

No one can take your "guilt" away. You own it. It is wholly yours. You need to replace it. Instead of feeling guilty, make yourself a big list of things to do that are comfortable, relaxing and soothing. Keep it close at hand and choose from it whenever you have extra time.

You both went through one of the biggest crisis imaginable – a lost child. After such an event, emotions are particularly open. We identify with the victim. It is normal.

Emotionally and developmentally, eight years olds have different needs than teens and adults. They even think differently, concretely, and understand things best in black and white. Spanking can be a way to get their attention.

Your mother made a decision to spank based on her perception of your brother’s needs. She obviously wanted to make a deep impression, for this is not her usual method of discipline. A wandering child is a danger to himself. 

This was not a thoughtless lashing out but the deliberate evaluation of a concerned mother.

After a difficult time, it is best to extend grace. You are both doing the best you can. If I were you I would apologize for any hot words, and move past this.

Well, in my humble opinion, you should cash in this seventies throwback and change your phone number. His demands are way out of line and indicate a selfish, self-centered personality. Dump him or be his doormat, your choice.

Lying, cheating and stealing? I'm against them all. This sounds like stealing to me. Another concern: what kind of people are your new employers? When you are around people who have poor moral values don’t be surprised when they cheat you. Find a better new job.

Some people practice the religion called "Doggism". Their dog is the most important "person" in their life. They fund all the Doggie catalogs one sees during the holidays, you know, the ones with the dog-sized Santa suits.

The practitioners of Doggism are basically welded to their dogs. I suggest you give in or give them up. You could buy "Bowser" a Santa suit for your next party and consider him a party decoration.

I am not sure you can. I recommend that you patch his clothes so his underwear no longer shows. If he continues to wear them patched and all, you are probably married to the neighborhood eccentric. The neighborhood will survive and so will you.

The folks at the hardware store are used to seeing some sorry cases lined up to purchase items for chores on Saturday morning. They won't even notice.

I would give her an open invitation to any and all of your holidays and let her decide. Some people need to cocoon themselves during their grief; others tend to feel suffocated by the loneliness. Let her know if she does come, she can leave at any point.

I didn't say the toddler would be happy about holding a parent's hand.  I said that the child must learn to comply with this request. Basic safety is at stake. At two, a toddler must learn that certain things are required of him. It is part of the civilizing process.