Isn’t she a little bucket of sunshine? Whenever someone tells me that they really understand life and try to impart their wisdom to me, I duck and cover. There is a limit to the pain and suffering I can endure.

She sounds like a bitter, unhappy woman. I would kindly duck her invitations to get together; a bride can always find another appointment. If she presses you, tell her kindly and gently that you just are not ready to hear her perspective yet. That it would mar your wedding joy and she certainly wouldn’t want to do that, would she?

If she continues to press you about it, she is being boorish. Give her a kind but firm no thank you and change the subject. Talk about the wedding, the dresses, or those cute reception favors you chose. Best wedding wishes for a peace and grace filled marriage!

If you don’t care to read these pieces anymore, tell him you will get to it as soon as you are able. Make kind excuses. If he confronts you about this first, tell him as friend that you really don’t have the ability to judge his work.

People who are caught up in the common culture, especially film and television viewers, actually seem to have a very different moral center than others, in my opinion. They tend to think real world values are similar to the hyper-sexual, anything-goes values provided by scriptwriters to make money. These caught-up individuals sometimes don’t really understand that they are actually offensive to many people. They think they are edgy and cool. I find their work tiresome and predictable.

Tell him your concern for his professional future. When you put something out on the web, it lives forever. Files and links are copied and moved constantly. This is work that his children and grandchildren will find under his name, not to mention any professional associates who plug his name into a capable search engine, Remember, search engines are improving daily.

Think of it!

Dear Mrs. Web advice forever!!

You have a guy with a problem with the "L" word. Ultimately, you have to decide ultimately whether you can live with someone who cannot express this emotion verbally. In your shoes, I would need to see a lot of non-verbal expression of love to make up for it.

You had a tough childhood and lousy models for parents. When we get into new situations and don’t know how to act, we behave just the way we were taught. Therefore, you are becoming a rage-full, cruel person. That is not who you are in your heart.

It is time to stop and get help. Sometimes people with rocky childhoods have a tough first year of marriage. The commitment of marriage opens people up to their core and the best, and sometimes the worst, comes out. That is why marriage is so powerful. It holds us up to the world’s most powerful mirror.  We don't always like what we see.

You need to find people in your area who are committed to marriage and healing. A well-recommended marriage and family therapist and maybe even some individual work as you learn to face and conquer your past. Tell your beloved that you love him and that this is not about him; it is about your past. Ask for his strong arm for support as you both weather this together. I know someone close to me who went through the same things, and the marriage not only survived, but also thrived. They are a wonderful couple and have a lovely family now.

Each one of my children went through this sort of stage between 5 and 8. I think it is a time when children are finally grasping that immutable fact that when you die, you’re dead. Before then children believed that death was a sleep and the body would wake up. Now, for the first time, they are looking death in the eye. It’s scary.

Our family faith provides us with answers about an afterlife, which has been a comfort to the children (and to me!). Atheistic and agnostic friends have reported similar occurrences in their families and also tell me their children have an interest in religious services. I recommend parents take them to services and help them find comfort and strength to face the largest existential question we all face as humans: What’s next.

Go where the girls are, various churches have youth groups, find the most vibrant group, and join it. Hint: usually the best youth groups are in the larger churches.

If you have a number of girls who are your friends, there is your ready pool of girlfriends. Your are comfortable with these girls. We live in a time where there is a difference between a love interest and a friend. However, a love interest that is not a good friend is a waste of time and energy. Perhaps it is time to reevaluate your friends.

I want to take this letter to another level. Why do you want a girlfriend? You are under sixteen. What are you going to do with one? Getting involved in a relationship at this time in your life is a bit fruitless. Although it may be a momentary pleasure, the reality is that this time in life you are preparing for your future. You don’t need the distraction. You cannot consummate a relationship without a risk of pregnancy. You are too young to successfully be a husband and father. So, why are you going there?

May I recommend I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Josh Harris? You need to look at other perspectives about relationships. 

My dear, you became involved with a very needy man who fell in love with you. Any little signal you gave him that you thought of him made him feel worthwhile and cared for, I suspect he has not been well-cared for in his life.

I do not know why he is back with his abusive girlfriend. Some people go back to what is familiar, and evidently being abused may be familiar to him. How sad.

I am not sure what you want to do with this situation. Do you want to continue a relationship which this broken young man? If you do, he will need many things including full commitment.

Sex may be a getting acquainted device for you but it is powerful stuff that changes hearts and lives. Frankly, everyone sounds a little bit out of control here. In your shoes I would pull back and find a less complicated love interest. See my Topics To Discuss Before Marriage to learn how to get to know someone well before giving your heart away!!

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There is nothing more tiresome than women who back a candidate because she has an "innie" instead of an "outie."  That old fashioned thinking: " if it is a woman it must be good," is a leftover of the mindless woman-power days. This lockstep thinking really flourishes only in the brain-dead women’s studies programs, which have metastasized on some university campuses. Women who hold these views worship in the ancient 70’s cult of Womyn are Better.

Of course, women do not hold an aptitude monopoly for most work, except for the job categories of pregnant woman and mother. You are dealing with what Dear Mrs. Web calls the "dangly earrings crowd." They are inevitably over 45 years-old, consider Rosie O’Donnell a deep thinker, and haven’t entertained a new idea since their social conscience hardened into radical left hard-shell in 1975. 

Keep away from these retro, limited thinkers. Pack your organizations with young, clear thinking women who are not beholden to these dinosaur ideas.

You and your beloved are playing house with plans for marriage. I did not hear about a ring or wedding date. His brother moved in. Your beloved seems to place your brother before you in priorities. 

Well, his brother has more claims on him than you do. He is a relative, you are the woman he lives with and shares a business arrangement. You are asking for the privilege and exclusivity that comes with being a wife, but you are not a wife, you are a girlfriend and a roommate, both expendable relationships.

I think it is time for you two to sit down and clarify your plans and act upon them.

When long-term work and school commitments separate a couple, they both need to come to an agreement about the extent of their own commitment to each other. People usually don’t do this sort of thing lightly, because what we are really talking about here is marriage and forever. I think your young man might be saying that he is not ready to extend his personal commitment to you.

You have been having an affair with a young man who offers you no future. You are in love; that means you have both let down your emotional boundaries with each other. Possibly, your husband has been sensing your affair and has been acting out more often and perhaps even more abusively.

You have separated from your husband but are unsure whether to continue the separation. You are fearful you are going to lose your marriage and all things you want from it. You have no future with the other man. Of the two, you seem to think the marriage offers you more in the long run.

You husband wants to go into counseling to heal your marriage.

In your shoes, I would negotiate with your spouse to stay separated and safe until you both are solidly in marriage counseling and he is in treatment for his abusiveness. The deal would be he has do all the treatment, even when he doesn’t like it. It sounds like the communication skills in your marriage need a lot of work, as well as the anger management skills.

I don’t know how violent or rage-full your husband is, but I would be very careful, because many rage-full spouses will stalk their loved one. Moreover, if you are with your affair-mate, your husband may lose complete control – death is a real possibility.

It is interesting that your husband is willing to seek treatment the minute you left. I have seen this before. An acting out spouse won’t change until the mate puts his or her foot down and says firmly: "No more!"

I certainly cannot evaluate whether you and your husband should try again. I cannot be the person to tell you to continue living with an abusive man.  I think that is wrong.  But I do know, that when their feet are held to the fire, some people can change their behaviors.

Your relationship with your husband  may be dangerous. You will need other people to assess this for you, a therapist, or marriage counselor, for example.  

I think you should both get the help you need.  A woman who stays with an abuser has her own emotional issues.  You should use the guidance of your marriage therapist to evaluate his anger management because you obviously have no boundaries about this matter, and being normal is normal to you. Your husband may slip at times and you will always need to leave if he gets verbally or physically abusive again. Grownups don’t hit each other, and grownups don’t put up with being hit.

I have known couples who have been able to get past their abuse, have learned new ways to be together, and essentially have grown to have outstanding marriages. It takes work - a lot of it - but it can be done. You are in my thoughts.